This week is a solo episode with David talking about the state of the podcast.

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Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

David Ames  0:11  
This is the graceful atheist podcast United studios Podcast Network. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the graceful atheist podcast. My name is David, and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. Please consider rating and reviewing the podcast on the Apple podcast store, rate the podcast on Spotify, and subscribe to the podcast wherever you are listening. If you're in the middle of doubt, deconstruction, the dark night of the soul, you do not have to do it alone. Join our private Facebook group deconversion anonymous and become a part of the community you can find us at facebook.com/groups/deconversion. Atheists united, the organization that runs the podcast network that this is a part of is having an atheist adventure camping trip to Zion National Park in Utah, the trip will take place on November 2 through the fifth, you can find all the information at www dot atheists united.org/zion. I'll have that link in the show notes. Remember, we have a merchandise store on T public, you can get all of your graceful atheist podcast and secular Grace themed items there, the link will be in the show notes. On today's show, I'm flying solo. For today's show, I want to talk a bit about the state of the podcast and where I am in this whole process. As I mentioned in the last episode, my work commitments have become greater and greater over time. Many of you know that my wife who I love and adore is a Christian and and both of these things severely limit my ability to run the podcast. Don't panic yet. I'm not quitting. But I I need to get out what we'll be doing with the podcast going forward. I want to start with a bit of history. If you've heard me tell my deconversion story I D converted in the summer of 2015. I spent about a year reading books being quiet but on Twitter, really just absorbing what it meant to be no longer a Christian what it meant to be an atheist what it meant to be a humanist most importantly to me, almost immediately, I was talking in terms of secular grace. And I was trying to figure out ways to express that. I was on Steve hillwalkers voices of deconversion. Pretty early on in 2017. That was the first time I told my story publicly. And it felt so cathartic. It was so amazing to just tell the story. I was desperately looking around for a way to impact the community to continue to tell my story to talk about secular grace. Way before the podcast, there was a thing called secular Hangouts on YouTube, where me and a couple of friends from online, were just talking about things. It was not terribly well produced. But it was the beginnings of my attempt to express secular grace and my humanism and what it all means. And I knew from that experience that I had a particular voice and a particular view, the concept of deconversion Anonymous was already there. The concept of secular Grace was already there. And I needed to have the full freedom to just express that. Just before this time, I had already started a blog what is now graceful atheists.com and started to write down my deconversion story, the beginnings of what secular grace is really attempting to express these things. I learned relatively quickly that although i i can write, okay, that is not the medium that I am the best at. What I found I was the best at was having these relatively intimate one on one conversations with people. And thus I knew I need to do a podcast. In March of 2019, I started the podcast with no expectations that anyone would ever listen to it. My first couple of guests were a pastor from the UK, and a young woman also from the UK. And I've really enjoyed those conversations. I thought they were great. And I was getting so much out of those conversations. It was a time of my life after deconversion where I needed those conversations I needed to be able to just talk. After a few more episodes, I realized that what I was doing that was different than maybe other people online. Although honestly definitely stealing from Steve hilliker I was taking ordinary people and just having a conversation with them. Whereas a lot of my friends online at the time, were all focused on the very slim number of atheist celebrities, if you want to call them that. And I knew that wasn't sustainable, there was no way that I could keep a podcast going by just talking to the famous people within the community. And what I really wanted was the honesty and vulnerability and the truth of people's lived experience. And so a number of episodes in the magic and the intimacy of the conversation that would take place, I knew I was onto something, and I absolutely loved it. In those early days, I was doing a podcast every other week, by myself. And that was very difficult interviewing, editing, producing the whole thing, doing everything from scratch, the pandemic hits in 2020, I continued to do the podcast and was continuing to love it, I was beginning to feel the strain of the time that an effort to put into the podcast. And I began to reach out in late 2020, for people who would be interested in participating and helping Mike T responded. And in late 2020, he edited a couple of episodes. And I was saying, you know, hey, we'll figure it out if it's going to be every other week or once a week. And I think by January 2021 episode, I said, let's try to do it every week. Mike T has been amazing. He has been here from that day, never complained, has done more than 100 episodes, I don't have the immediate count on top of my head, then he's volunteering his time. And I am incredibly grateful for the work that he has done. If we went to once a week, which was more demanding, although I was now not doing the editing, I still had to schedule and then do interviews and do final production. When I do the intro outro and put all the music together that kind of thing. So it was still a lot of work. In late 2021. I put out the call again for people who would like to participate and Arline responded. Arline jumped in and helped with the community we started deconversion anonymous are really expanded it and she became the community manager. I know almost everybody listening to me who's ever been a part of the deconversion anonymous group will know that Arline's work has been incredibly invaluable. So we expanded there as well. Arline was also helping with copy editing the blog post, basically from that point on Arline's, writing the copy For show notes and things of that nature. In 2022. During the summer, the summers are always a difficult time to get interviews done, get the production done. I was really struggling to do once a week, and I asked for people who would be interested in hosting. So Arline, again stepped up, she did a few interviews. And you all know the rest of the history that we wound up going to an every other week process where I would do the interview for one week. And then Arline would do the next the interview for the next week. And we've done that basically since late 2022. And so obviously Arline's contribution to the podcast has been invaluable and consistent over time. And I am very, very grateful for the work that she has done. That brings us to 2023. In 2023, my work became significantly more demanding. I've had much less time to conduct interviews, and just the process of scheduling, conducting the interviews and then producing after Mike t does the editing and Arline does all the copy. And even with Arline doing an episode every other week as well. Also in 2023, I have found that eight years on from my deconversion I no longer feel the need the way that I did in the beginning. The experience is different. If I'm being honest, it feels like work at this point. One of the reasons that it feels like work is at each step of growth in the podcast. It required more work. And this was a ration that never got less. So that now we do especially between all of us between Mike T Arline and myself. We're doing a lot more for each episode. The reason I did this is to grow the podcast to grow the audience. It always felt like it was at least one of the goals of the podcast was to grow. And

as you know, there are lots of people who do podcasting for a living. I have a day job and I can't put the time in. So this summer When we hit kind of a law again, I found that I was struggling to get interviews lined up, or lean continue to do great work. But I have been struggling. So here's what I'm thinking about. Now, I want to recapture some of that early time when I didn't care. If there were three people listening, or nobody listening, I feel like I've been really focused on growth and metrics, and maybe the wrong things. Honestly, over this time period. The demand to have an episode every week or on any cadence for that matter, means that there were times where I released an episode that I wasn't 100% proud of. And I don't want to do that anymore. I want to recapture the voice of those early days, the graceful atheist secular Grace humanism, honest conversations with believers. And I want to take the time pressure off, the absolute most difficult part of producing the podcast is doing it on that cadence. So if I take the cadence pressure off, and say, I will release when I have a good interview, or when the interview is ready and produced, I can give myself that freedom to do that to take that pressure off. So that is where I am at. So I want to slow down. What happens next? First, I think we're going to try to run out 2023, we'll try to keep going, I'm not going to promise. So if a week goes by and there's not an episode, you know why? At the end of 2023, I'm going to take a break for at least a month, and we'll see how long it lasts, I want to again regain some of the passion for the project. If you are a supporter on Patreon, I completely understand if you need to stop that support, you can do so guilt free 100%, you are free to do so if you would like to hang on and see what we are able to do in the future. I would love that. But honestly, will not hurt my feelings at all. If you signed on with a once a week cadence and a certain expectation, and I'm going to change that. It's okay if you need to change your support or level or what have you. From the get go. I wanted the deconversion anonymous community to be independent from the podcast and it will remain so Arline tells me that she will continue to run that. So as long as Arline is willing, or some other community members willing, that group will go on regardless of what happens to the podcast. I want to express how grateful I am that you all have come along this journey with me that you are out there listening. That when I started, it really literally was 20 people 30 people for a fair amount of time. And now we're in the 1000s. And it's it's astonishing to me that anyone is listening. Again, I think the credit goes to the guests being honest and vulnerable and telling their stories. And that magic of hearing your story when someone else is telling their story. That is super powerful. And I think it always will be. For the many of you who recently have sent me emails saying that you would like to tell your story. I really do want to get to you, it is just going to take time, it's going to take a long time. So if you can be patient, I will reach out to you over time, and I'll have you on. So again, this is not the end. This is just a change. And we'll all be on this adventure together to see what happens next. Thank you again for listening. Next week, Arline interviews Jeremy, you're not gonna want to miss that episode. Until then, my name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. Join me and be graceful. The beat is called waves by Mackay beads. If you want to get in touch with me to be a guest on the show. Email me at graceful atheist@gmail.com for blog posts, quotes, recommendations and full episode transcripts head over to graceful atheists.com This graceful atheist podcast be part of the atheists United studios Podcast Network