Derek Webb: The Jesus Hypothesis

Agnosticism, Deconstruction, Deconversion, ExVangelical, Musicians, Podcast, Podcasters, Secular Grace, The Bubble
Derek Webb
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This week’s guest is Derek Webb, musician, song writer and public deconstructor. For 10 years, Derek was a member of the Christian rock band, Caedmon’s Call. He then went on to a solo career where he focused on self reflection in his art. During that time, Derek began to desconstruct. He did so publicly in his music and on social media.

Where I find myself, strangely, being more tolerant, or loving or accepting than god is.
Where I feel like I am making apologies for the god of the universe who is supposedly all love.

For Derek’s Fingers Crossed album, “the tale of two divorces,” Derek made himself available to his audience for criticism. He and his team turned this into the podcast, The Airing of Grief. What could have been a public expression of anger and hostility at Derek’s change of heart, wound up being people describing their own deconstruction. It was a poignant reminder that we are not alone in this process.

Wouldn’t you rather lose all of it if the it that you have currently is not a real thing?

Derek’s next album, Targets, is a joyous and rebellious rock celebration of deconstruction. Derek’s current project, The Jesus Hypothesis, takes a second look at his former theological beliefs. For this project, Derek has made himself even more available to his audience by live streaming the writing and recording process for his Patreon supporters.

Because if it is not real I want to know that,
if it is real I want to know that,
and if something else is real I want to know that
and I feel like I know a little more than I used to know
in terms of what is there and what’s not
at least what rings true to me.

Derek is the perfect guest for the podcast as his art, music and personal style exemplify both having an honesty contest and Secular Grace.

Derek’s Website
https://www.derekwebb.com/

The Airing Of Grief
https://www.theairingofgrief.com/

Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/derekwebb/

Patreon
https://patreon.com/derekwebb

Interact

Join the Deconversion Anonymous private Facebook group and become a part of the community!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/deconversion

Is it just that I had the wrong image of god?
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/11/17/is-it-just-that-i-had-the-wrong-image-of-god/

The Bubble
https://gracefulatheist.com/2018/01/15/the-bubble/

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

Transition music by Derek Webb from the Fingers Crossed album

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Transcript

NOTE: This transcript is AI produced (otter.ai) and likely has many mistakes. It is provided as rough guide to the audio conversation.

Summary
0:11 David’s goals for this year.
2:09 Introduction to Derek Webb.
5:05 Derek’s work in this deconstruction space is not a thing that you detach from.
8:47 What was your faith tradition as a child?
11:56 What was it like growing up in a church?
15:53 Young Life Camp is a fun deal.
24:56 The pressure of being a professional Christian and representing the church.
28:00 Great failure gives you the opportunity to do an audit of the presumptions that you have about invisible reality and about invisible unknowable things.
30:22 What is real and what is code language?
34:00 I wish I could tell you that your way isn’t ok, but I can not.
38:22 Making yourself vulnerable and owning the change.
46:07 Taking some responsibility for his own story.
50:08 Having your fans be a part of the process through Patreon.
54:11 What it’s like to be a fly on the wall of a record.
57:59 The job of an artist is to look at the world and describe what you see.
1:01:52 Deconstruction of the church from deconstruction of God.
1:09:56 How to break these things apart and not think you’ve done it just because you are not a part of the evangelical political party anymore.
1:13:37 Why you shouldn’t fear deconstruction, the only danger is not questioning.
1:17:21 Would you rather lose all of it if what you have currently is not a real thing?
1:20:56 Final thoughts on the episode.
1:24:53 The connection part of secular grace is the human connection. The church loves the idea of radical confession, but when you start doing it in a literal
David Ames  0:11  
This is the graceful atheist podcast. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the graceful atheist podcast. My name is David, and I'm trying to be the graceful atheist. Please consider rating and reviewing the podcast on the Apple podcast store. And now you can rate the podcast on Spotify.

We made it to 2022. I remember the feeling of intense optimism at the beginning of 2021. And we are in the midst of the Omicron surge. So any of that enthusiasm is slightly tempered. But I do have some goals for the year for the podcast. I'm actually very interested in being on other podcasts. So if you happen to have your own podcast and like to hear me talk about secular grace or humanism, reach out to me. A second goal for the year that I've been thinking about lately is to be slightly more palatable for the Christian. My guest today is Derek Webb. And I think he does an incredibly good job of being a bridge between evangelical Christians and deconstruction. Even the title of the podcast has atheist in it is probably going to frighten away most believers. But one of the goals for this year is to at least engage a bit more, not in a debate style. But as always, in an honesty contest. If you are a believer, and you would like to be on the podcast and talk with me, I'd be very open to that prospect. Please get in touch with me at graceful atheist@gmail.com. Special thanks to Mike t for the first round of editing for today. I also did a bit of editing and the mix in with Derek's music. onto today's show. My guest today is Derek Webb. Virtually all of my listeners will probably already know who Derek is. But Derek was the lead singer for Caitlin's call for about 10 years, which was a very successful Christian rock band. And then he went on a solo career. And during that time, he went through his own deconstruction process. What Derek has done that is pretty amazing, is be really open, vulnerable and honest about that process with his audience, not only in his music, but also online and in various other media. Derek is the perfect guest for this show, because almost all of his work is about being brutally self honest about an honesty contest about vulnerability about transparency, showing the world where he's currently at and not hiding any of that. It was The Truman Show episode that Jimmy and Colin were on where Colin shared a story about seeing Caitlin's call when he was 18. A friend of Derek's heard that episode mentioned it Derek and Derek reached out to me, I'm very thankful that Derek reached out to me and I think this is a great conversation. In preparation for this. Both Jimmy and Collin suggested a number of things for me to listen to, obviously much of Derek's music from fingers crossed and targets and various other albums. But the one that had the most impact on me was his podcast, the airing of grief, which I highly recommend, and there will be links in the show notes. Derek's current project is called the Jesus hypothesis. And if you become one of Derek's Patreon supporters, you can actually be a part of that process. Derek will go into detail about that. You can find all of his music and all of his projects that Derek web.com will have those links in the show notes. Here is my conversation with Derek Webb.

Derek Webb, welcome to the graceful atheist podcast.

Derek Webb  4:27  
It's a pleasure. Great to be here with you.

David Ames  4:29  
Hey, I really appreciate you actually reached out to me after hearing an episode where a really good friend of mine Colin talked about what a moment it was for him. He was actually at a Caedmon’s Call concert. And you guys were doing a cover of a secular song and he had this context moment. Like, oh, wait, you know, music is just powerful, just by itself and, and he literally told himself now you know, Colin today, you know, said if I'd only and that the lead singer would someday be post evangelical or whatever term you want to use. Yeah. And have a huge audience for that, that what you know what that would have done for him as an 18 year old kid, so. So thank you so much, Derek, for being willing to come on the show.

Derek Webb  5:16  
Absolutely. Well, I appreciate you responding and being open to it. I mean, I'm, as we were talking just a few minutes ago, like I'm, I really care about the space, I really care about my friends who are still in the evangelical world, I care a lot about my friends who are kind of journeying on the outskirts and in no man's land around it. And it's, it's, as you know, what I'm sure your listeners know, it's like, it's not a thing that you detach your care, you don't you don't stop caring about it. Because it, it's still so much about where, where I've come from, and it's so much of the language that's so familiar to me and so much, and so much of our lives and families and colleagues and co workers and everybody is they're all on some they're on the spectrum somewhere, with some experience of invisible reality and some opinions about it. And so I don't see you don't stop thinking about it. And so it's funny, it's one of those things you just gets really hard to kind of get away from ultimately, you can detach your belief system from it, but you still have an awareness of it, and I still have a care for it. And so I always whenever I find people who are doing good work and holding additional space for people to think about this, I immediately, you know, want to listen, I want to contribute, I want to be part of it. You know, so I, so we when I saw what you were doing, what you're up to, and what great conversations that seemed like you were having, I just immediately reached out, and I'm so glad you responded. So thanks for having me.

David Ames  6:47  
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, we're definitely the whole podcast, I think we're started to just say you're not alone. You're not crazy. Like there's plenty of us who have gone through this. You don't have to go through it alone. That's exactly it. Yeah. Yeah. One more piece of context that I think is important is that due to age, and when I became a Christian, when I stopped being a Christian and style, I actually have wasn't familiar with your music, yet very much prior to actually getting in contact with you. But what I am a huge fan of Derek, is your work in this space in this deconstruction space. So Colin, gave me a list and Jimmy to both both the people that were on that episode gave me a list of things to go listen to, oh, I absolutely adored, I listened to the first season of the airing of grief. Yes, man, what a powerful piece of work. That is, I really

Derek Webb  7:42  
appreciate it. Well, it sounds very much like what you're talking about. I mean, it was one of those ones, we want some friends and I determined that like, Oh, we're going through it. We felt like once we started to process our way through and out of a lot of kind of evangelical mindset. And just once we start, you think that what you're going through, everybody's going through and you think that when you discover something everyone just discovered it. And actually that's not true. It's most things you're coming into a moment with and you're kind of suddenly in the stream with it. And but there was just like you're saying that we were realizing how many people felt as though they were doing it by themselves and alone and isolated. And, and because the church is so good at congregating and about congregating themselves around ideas about things. And so once you're detached from that, there's just the lack of congregation. And that is that and you suddenly feel as though it's like all the files on your computer still being there. But all the directories being gone. Like you can't find your way to anybody or anything or any. And so you feel like you're all alone. And that was the main reason that we wanted to do that. Because we thought, because I had just put out this, this fingers crossed record, which was my kind of document of deconstruction that I had just gone through. And when and when people were responding to it, they seemed not to be responding to it so much as they were using it as an opportunity to do the same thing I was doing on the record, which is to tell their stories of what they had been through and where they had landed. And we thought Man, there clearly just needs to be more space for this more safe space for people to be welcomed to tell and bring their stories for the benefit of all the folks who don't feel brave enough to come or strong enough or maybe ready to come and bring and tell their stories. Just an order that everybody knows that they're not alone doing it. So I really resonate. Exactly. That was that was our exact same motivation for doing it. Yeah, I

David Ames  9:37  
always say that. That's the magic, right is somebody's telling their story. And the listener goes, you're telling my story. Yeah,

Derek Webb  9:43  
you hear your story come out of somebody else's mouth. And that's so deeply comforting. Yeah, absolutely.

David Ames  9:47  
I do want to come back to more of your work and we'll focus on sharing a little bit but I'd really like to hear your story. So the way that my guests often we begin with is like What was your faith tradition growing up? What was that? Yeah.

Derek Webb  10:02  
Yeah. So I grew up in the American South my whole life. I've always lived in the South. I was born in Memphis, Tennessee. I lived in Texas for a while. And I'm now back in Tennessee in Nashville and have been for about 20 years. And so anybody who knows what that is shorthand for knows that I grew up with immersed in the language of evangelical Christianity. At least that was my expense. I actually, as I'm saying, and I realized that's obviously not everyone's experience, but that was an inevitability in everywhere I grew up was, there was the presumption of at least an understanding of evangelical Christian faith, if not a full practice. So and I grew up going to church my my mom, grew up Baptist. My dad grew up Catholic. Okay. And so they raised me and my brother Methodist, because I feel like they thought that was maybe the compromise. I got so yeah, that yeah, as they both moved to the middle, they they found the the middle points for both in United Methodism, apparently. So anyway, that's how I grew up, I was confirmed that 13 In the Methodist church, we weren't super involved. My parents were not real religious. But they did feel as though like a lot of parents, especially who were having kids in the late 60s and 70s, felt it was important to bring their kids up in church and to at least show up on a Sunday. And, and I was in the part of Memphis where we lived the the really good school, the school that I that I wound up going to was a private Christian school connected to the church where we went, so Okay, so zero to sixth grade, I was in a private school at at a United Methodist Church in Memphis, which is where we also attended. So I mean, I was there, you know, seven days a week. Right? I mean, I really was because I went to school there too. And, you know, grew up going to chapel, at least a few times a week, if, if not more, and, and also walking through the sanctuary to get around to most of the other parts of the school, you know, so really, really, really, into the end of that. And it was mostly for me, I think, well, you don't know how you're experiencing it. When you're that age, you're coming up with it that way, because it's just part of the inevitable framework, it's just part of the context you're in and you don't know your life without it. Even if it means nothing to you from a spiritual discernment standpoint, it's just it's more this is just all part of what it is and what we're doing. And it's the water use women, it is the water swimming. And that's exactly right. And until you get out of it for a second, you have no idea you even in water, you just it's like the oxygen you're in. And so I did. So that's kind of how I grew up. And as I mentioned, I got confirmed as you do when I was 13, and to the end of the church, and they give you a Bible and I don't know if I don't remember if they kind of declare you it's your kind of a full member of the congregation in church. At that point. I don't know what that got me really. I remember being baptized at that time. And then when I was in high school, wound up by that time I was in Houston, and a lot of friends, the Baptists, especially the Southern Baptists are really strategic in the way that they really what they do is they they put a lot of their money and intention into youth programs, because they know that that's how you get families. And so you know, why evangelize one at a time when you can bet evangelize a junior high kid and get six, because you're gonna want to put all their siblings and their parents. And so that's a smart strategy. And so there's just the most kick ass youth programs you can ever imagine going on in the suburb of Houston, where I was and so I was getting pulled into a lot of Baptist churches. I remember like, wow, what's going on with the but like, every other week, and my friends are dragging me into some Baptist Church for some cool and it's legitimate, pretty cool thing, I guess, you know.

And anyway, so there wasn't anything that really seemed to take root for me until the middle of high school when I wound up involved with a high school parachurch organization called Young Life. Oh, yeah. Not church affiliated yet. And that was real big at my high school, their high school parachurch organization. So, or at least at that time, they were mostly just high school. And they and young life, at least in my area did a really good job. Of every one of these organizations or institutions have strategies, they have strategies. They'll have an approach and young lives, at least in my area. It was to kind of go after the cool kids because if because if you get the trendsetters and the tastemakers you're gonna get all the rest because they want to be like those kids. But my particular the particular young life leader in southwest Houston, was also this really quirky, nerdy, kind of intellectual guy and he was is nothing like the cool kids that he was recruiting so to speak. But so I really personally resonated with him and connected with him because I was kind of a quirky or I was not, I was none of those things. I mean, I was not popular or athletic or, or performed academically or anything like that. But I really resonated with his with his mind and how his mind worked. And he was really super smart and fascinating and funny. And so anyways, I got kind of pulled into that deal. And that was, that was kind of the first point where I felt like it was something I was really choosing. And that was where I think I would have said, I had an experience at a young life, summer camp, and their properties are magical, honestly, they're like, they're like the the Disney level of detailed intention. And all of their camps. They're really amazing. I mean, they do just a great job. It's there. It's so much fun. It's such a fun deal. And it's like, an every bit of it is combed over and intentional. And I love that about it actually, I'm so wound up at a between my sophomore and junior year, is that right? I wound up at a young life camp. And I had heard this pitch many times. I mean, it's like, I was so familiar with it, just the whole, like, the four spiritual laws like, Okay, here's how the world works. Here's what God broke. And here's what was done about it. And here's your choice. You know, it was like, here's the deal. And I knew it super well. And I probably felt at that time, like it was something I had already kind of taken a position on, even passively because I knew I had been baptized and gone through my little classes or whatever, in Methodist church when I was when I was younger, but they they take you through in the and they kind of set you up and it's like it. And having worked with young life in in a few for a few years after that I you definitely get a set, you get a pretty good view of how the sausage is made in terms of the intention around like, Hey, we're going to send me this message, and then this one, and then this one, and we're going to leave them with that one until the next night where we're going to offer this one. And it's like, it's, you know, it's good communication. It's well, it's well thought out, you know, and, and to be perfectly frank, I had chased a girl there. It's probably the reason that I was willing to go to that camp in the first place. And, you know, you see everybody making the decision, you see the hands going up, you see the people go into the front. And I was like, You know what, I think I'm, you know, I don't know, like, I'm going to for whatever reason, I mean, I didn't, as I really tried to think back to the experience that I had, it was one of those, okay, we're going to let them sit with. But here's what happened. And here's where you lost connection to God, and here's why it happened. And they kind of leave you with that weight and that heaviness until the whole next night. And the next night, they say but something was done about and here's what you do. And here's the opportunity to come and choose and decide whatever it is and and then they kind of send you out into the beautiful hills of Colorado to think about that and then come back and they're gonna see who made a decision. And they said whatever the one thing though is you don't go back to your cabins we don't want you going back to your cabins just go out and find a space under the stars. So of course, I was such a contrary kid, I was such a discipline case all through that all those years. That of course, I went straight back to my cabin and hid so that counts was coming to make sure there weren't kids hanging out in cabins. And I they came in didn't see me and left but But I went back and decided, you know, I think I'm gonna go ahead and own a decision about this. I think I don't know that I made this anything happened. It was just like, I think it's time I'm just gonna, I'm pretty down with this. I like these people. I like this thing. I kind of feel like I belong here a little bit it. It was giving me some things I really needed. At that time. I didn't have really in a lot of friends. I've been I've been in the music since I was single digits but and I've been in a lot of bands, a lot of bands all through high school and stuff. But I was I was in between bands right then. And that's like the story I'm kind of leaving out. It's not it's not really super relevant. But the band that I'd been in for a lot of years that was a big part of my identity had ended right before that summer. It was a big a big thing. For me personally, music is a big part of young life because they do these young life clubs every like Monday night, during the school year. And they have guys up in the front strumming acoustic guitars. And they immediately wanted me to come and do that because they you know, it's smart, it's good if they find a way to give you kind of a job to do that makes that that kind of goes to your strengths. And that certainly did for me and I it was fun. Like suddenly, I had a place to play music again. That was part of my identity. Again, I liked that friends and a whole like, it's just like, here's like, just the whole package just on a platter. You just kind of come and be part of it. And then you just get to all the benefits of it. It's amazing. And so I was like I liked it. So I was like yeah, I'm gonna I think I'm gonna hang with this. And so I think I'm gonna go ahead and, and give it's, it's funny. I felt like I was kind of giving him something I was giving them as like, I want to show up as a number for these folks. Because I like this. I like this thing and this guy has done a pretty good job and he's a good speaker and I mean, he didn't tell me anything I hadn't heard and it wasn't especially moving you even it was just, I was like, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go up there because I think that would make them feel awesome. Like, you know, like, I want them to know that what they're doing matters. And so I'm going to show you know, and so I'm going to, I'm going to, you know, say that that's where my flag goes in the ground, even though it's probably it probably been years before if that happened at all. And so, so that was my experience came back and then and I was really into that. So the rest of height, so I had two whole years, plus summers to, you know, off at camps and stuff to, to really, for that to really take root. And that was a really important thing. It was a it was a you know, a lot of friends and a lot of memories and a lot of, you know, trips out to Colorado and ski trips and all kinds of stuff after that. And even for a minute for a hot minute considered maybe even working with young life and kind of running want to being like the one of these young life leader guys. And it just looked fun. It looked like a cool thing. You had to have a college degree, any degree in anything to do it. And I knew I wouldn't ever have that because I barely got out of high school. I was not, I was just I did. I didn't have any interest in that. And because music was my life, I started playing guitar when I was like seven or eight years old. And it's the only thing I've ever really been good at. And it was, and it was my whole life. So I blew school off constantly to revert to practice and then eventually in bands and, and that was my whole life. And so I knew I wasn't going to be getting I wasn't gonna be going to college. Okay, but anyway, so I hung with you online for a while even even you know that first summer after my senior year, and I thought, but where it kind of turns is so what would have been my freshman year of college just after that is when I met and connected with the folks who who we started Caitlin's call together. So Caymans was the band that I was in for about 10 years, right out of high school, so met those people. And that's its own story, too, but met those people. And we started playing music together. And we all had a pretty quick sense that this had potential. There was really something here we were really on to something and in a very Malcolm Gladwell, Ian kind of sense, we had a lot of advantages that other other bands weren't having around that time. And the way we were able to record our music and, and sell our music, and we were able to tour a little bit. We were in Texas, there's a bajillion colleges. And that's, and so just a lot of things fell our way made it really easy. And we found a lot of success at that wound up signed to Warner Brothers. And, and suddenly, that was a 10 year career. And what was interesting, it was just, you know, two years previous, that I had had this experience, that really, as I look back I I mean, I'm also kind of a closet intellectual. So I was loving and really falling in love with the, the academic side of all of this. And I loved I realized how much my brain loved the jigsaw puzzling of systematic theology. Tell my story, Derek. Yeah, yeah, so I so I really responded to that. And I think what I really had mostly, during my more mature, I would say, you know, years of belief was kind of a love affair with the language and a love affair with the structure. And with the theology and with making it all make sense. And being able to have answers and being able to kind of figure out some of that stuff, I loved it and loved debating it and loved, you know, honestly, I'm framing it in such a positive light, what I should really say is I loved like, weaponizing it, that's, that's, you know, I really, because I probably had some kind of a chip on my shoulder coming out of an experience where I was never seen as smart at all. And I think I was I just wasn't smart in a way that was being in any way noticed, or measured by any of the schools that I was going to or anything like that,

David Ames  23:37  
I think we can safely say that's true.

Derek Webb  23:39  
Well, but you know, I mean, and so so I so I think I had this kind of insecurity, deep insecurity about my intellect and, and so I was kind of a coming out of my shell a little bit from an intellectual standpoint, and really loving how my mind really wrapped itself around all of the systematic theology side, I was really studying all that studying the history instead. And I loved the idea of knowing a little more about that than the average Christian like, and I really, and I would start to infuse that in the songs I was writing and had a vehicle to do that, because by that time, we were practically professional Christians, because we wound up on a Christian imprint label of Warner Brothers, and then wound up actually skipping to a different record label. The point being, that, you know, we were suddenly generating, you know, Christian media, we were generating the, you know, influential Christian content or something. Although we were we didn't really know what we were doing or talking about it. We were just give you know, and that's kind of what you learn is like the people who are who have those voices. They're not necessarily the people who know anything or know anything more than you do. They're just the people that for whatever reason, I've been given the opportunity to speak loudly and, and volume is not an indicator of anything. Yeah. And so anyways, wound up for 10 Good years writing songs I was half of the songwriting for Caymans. Okay. But then there's also the added weird layer and pressure of being, as I said, kind of a professional Christian at that point. And representing something about that. And, and there's some rules that wind up getting kind of applied to it in terms of what you can and can't write songs about and things like that. So I can imagine that all winds up interesting. And again, I'm wired. So contrary that I wind up really going for most of the things you're not supposed to be writing stuff about. And that's what differentiates, I think, eventually my songwriting in the band, and then around the beginning of the to around 2000 or so is when I went out on my own as a solo artist, and did see myself as something of a disrupter, I think, in the, at least in the space of what was typically being produced and covered from a subject matter standpoint of Christian art, or whatever I, it was a small, it's a small space, but I, I was willing to kind of self sabotage to take on some of the issues I thought that the church didn't want to talk about, or things that I would see is. So I mean, that's really the things that I went after, because I'm wired that way. At least my my early solo career, I made a, I made a career out of really nine on the hand that fed me during all those years and interesting. So, and I think a lot of during a lot of those years, I think folks who were paying attention and listening to the music, seemed to have some suspicion that I was against the church or that I was out to criticize the church, when really the I didn't see that at all. I, I was ultimately in my own crosshairs. And I mean, you only you write about what you know. And what I knew was my own heart and the way that I felt and looked at the world and saw that, that sort of thing. And so that's ultimately what I was writing about. But I did try to broaden it out for the benefit of folks who I thought, you know, maybe needed to be shaken up a little bit like I did, and, but I only mentioned that to say that later, when I did go through, you know, a legitimate deconstruction, deconversion, whatever you want to call it. There are people who said, You see, we always knew because way back then he was so critical of the church and this and that, that we knew that he must be on some road to ruin or something I was like, actually, like I was writing about the church because I loved it so much, because I really wanted to see it thrive and prosper and succeed or whatever, at its mission. And but then then eventually, I guess it would have been around 25th, teen ish, went through some bumps kind of in my personal life, went through a divorce. And just had a moment to kind of take inventory a little to do an audit of all of the presumptions that I had had for many years, many of which went all the way back to that those early years, you know, of being a new Christian high school, and then being in Caymans and some of that, and loving the theology and all that stuff. It gave me an opportunity Anyway, great failure will do this. And it's one of the great, it's one of the great things about failure is it gives you the opportunity to kind of do an audit of the presumptions that you have about invisible reality and about invisible, unknowable things and visible like God unknowable, like the future to really think more critically about those things. And are they providing me a particular comfort right now, as I'm not just practicing Now it's showtime, like, now I'm really needing them to show up and either be meaningful and comforting. Either the ideas, or the actual expression of the ideas, which is going to be the body, the church, the people? How is it all going to? How's it all going to shake out now that the rubber is hitting the road? And it turns out that I'm not just a hypothetical, Senator, I'm an actual one. Interesting, because the church loves when you talk about the church loves the idea of radical confession, and really confessing your sins, one to the other, and to really be open about that and get gritty. And really, they love that in the hypothetical, but when you start doing it in the literal is when they start getting panicked. And when they start backing away and eventually communicating. I mean, it's like the, the it's like they, they really want you doing it, but then they want you doing it on their terms. And they want you doing it in a way that, that no one possibly could at a moment in a moment of crisis. Because you're you're not collected and you're not. You're trying to survive. So you can't help the way it may come out of you at any given time. And that's interestingly the point where the church really leaves a lot of folks. Yeah. Which is so fascinating to me, because it's like, Well, isn't this what we've been practicing for, though? Is this what we open? We've all been rehearsing for this moment. And now that I'm going to come to you with more than just the idea that I'm a center of I'm going to come to you with like, Oh, I I actually am there's no there's no escaping it anymore. And this is the moment like you would think that this would be the thing we've all been waiting for. And this is the thing we're built for. And now we're ready to really, you know, drop me into the machine. then the machine does its thing. And that's not it's like I was a wrench in the gears and the thing and it's like it had to spit me right out and and it's like you ironically you stopped making sense to the congregation when you start doing the one thing that apparently is the thing that everyone supposedly has in common there. It's like going to an AAA meeting and getting kicked out when they find out that you're actually a drinker. Yeah, it's like it. I thought, that's why we were all here. I thought that was the only one thing we had in common. And the reason we were gathering so why are you shocked? I mean, and I was writing songs even about like, one of my best known songs during my early solo career was a song called wedding dress. And the chorus of it is I'm a whore, I do confess, and I put you on like a wedding dress and run down the aisle, it's, you know, I'm a product with no way home, and I put you on like a ring of gold and rundown the, it's like, I wasn't false advertising I wasn't making. I mean, I was trying to tell you, you know, like, you just weren't listening or didn't believe me, or what was it. And so it was around that time. And that big audit that I mentioned, is when I just didn't find any of those things, particularly comforting or even really necessary, and really needed when I was really needed to survive. And as I was going through, you know, the hardest things I've gone through in my life, and really needing some a framework to be able to look at it and have it makes sense. And I needed something beneath me to catch me and I needed something to lean my weight around on. And all the things that I had, that I had brought with me, they just turned out not to be real things, they just they I would lean my weight over and just fall right to the floor. And they just, it wasn't a real thing. It wasn't really there. And so I immediately what I'd spent 35 or 40 years constructing and tweaking and working on like a Harley, as it turns out, was not a real thing. And I needed to, you know, build a quick parachute on during the freefall. And that kind of became the lighting the fuse on kind of where I am now, you know, and trying to make my way into like, Okay, well, what is real then? Or what can I discern as?

What can I find? What can I What can I test and, and find in terms of the way the world works, and, and what's really going on. And it was such a gift to be split up from this language that I was so committed to, and I've worked so hard on for so many years to, because you realize how much of it makes no sense. And how much of it is just kind of some weird code language that you're speaking with a small group of people, many of whom are not really taking it out for a spin to find out what it's really made of, it's like the same way that you can't really get a clear sense of the quality of the boat you're in while you're in it. Because you are in every way incentivized to believe that it can hold your weight, and that it is equal to the waves you're going to hit. It's not to your throne from the boat, and you can get up out of body, you know, vantage point of it, you can say oh my god, like that's what I've been in, like, that's barely a two by four, I mean, how in the world, or you come down and put your feet down and realize that you don't need a boat, because you the waters two feet deep, or whatever it is, it's like, whatever it is, those moments can be a great gift and, and then as you start to pull that thread, you just realize, oh, the whole thing just comes apart. For me, the whole thing really just came apart. And it was so good. Because there were so many things. It's so interesting, I swear to God, I'm going to stop soon. So you can talk to you but But you start to realize that there are so many things that you associate with this view of the world that you deep down you you knew didn't make sense. It's like, it's like when my friends from other religions or faiths or my friends who seemed to have lifestyles that were in contention with my view of the world, my Muslim friends, my might just my general secularist friends, my, my agnostic friends, or my my gay friends, my you know, they would come and we would talk about whatever the dilemma was. And I remember many times saying I think this is common. I wish it was like that I wish I could tell you that your way isn't okay way and that you can get to God and be saved that way. I wish I if it was up to me, I would I wish I could say that that your lifestyle and your behavior and your choices. That all that could just be okay. And that I that. I wish I could say that. Yeah, but unfortunately I can't because I don't have that luxury because here's where it says this is where I find myself strangely being more tolerant or loving or accepting or welcoming than God is right. And that's a strange like when I feel like I'm making apologies for the God of the universe who is supposedly all love. And yet I'm you know, making apologies on his behalf saying I what am I what am I supposed to do? Like? I wish he was as loving as I was but apparently he's not. Yeah, and things like that. So it's like, it gives you a chance to reframe and rethink some of those things. And let me say this, because I can already hear, although I'm suspicious that many of your listeners are, you know, will, will at least relate, I'm sure there are those who I would need to hear me say, and I want them to hear me say that I own 100%, that all those things I'm describing, all of those things could be a result of my wrong view of Evangel Christianity and my bad practice of it, or having being on the wrong side of it, or the wrong brand of it, or the or, you know, constructing a God out of all the wrong things and making it into the one that makes the most sense to me, and then saying, that's the only one I mean, and I even said, There's a song on the fingers crossed record that says, you know, either you're not real or I'm not chosen, you know, and maybe I'll never know. And either way, my hearts broken, you know, because it's like, in other words, I don't know, maybe this quasi reformed, very conservative, theologically conservative God, that it was the only one that made sense to me, is just the wrong one. And maybe I need to be an atheist of that God to find a real one, if there's one to be found. I am permanently uncertain about these things. And I'm not saying that I'm that I'm right. I'm just I just know that I was wrong before. Right. And I'm probably wrong again. But at least I'm detached from my certainty about it. If anyone's saying well, right, but you're the god you're describing. I don't believe in that God either. And I think that you're, and you know what you could be right. And I'm certainly not saying that all, this couldn't be my fault. I'm sure that it is. But for me, it was a good thing to be able to have the opportunity to go through and really pull all those things apart. And I think the only way I was able to do that was to have to land in it. And fine, and to blow right through it like to land in like a net that was supposed to catch me and find out that was air below me, I think was a great thing. Because then I was like, Oh, well, good to know. Yes. Because if it's it, because if it's not real, I want to know that. And if it Israel, I want to know that. And if something else is real, I want to know that. And I feel like I know a little more than I used to know in terms of maybe what's there or what's not, or at least what rings true to me.

David Ames  37:26  
I want to focus on the radical honesty that you mentioned. And specifically that you were mentioning, like isn't that what we're supposed to be doing is to reveal our humanity to one another and to experience grace?

Derek Webb  37:44  
truth will set you free, you know? Yeah, exactly, precisely.

David Ames  37:46  
On the podcast, we talk about secular grace, we talk about doing an honesty contest, rather than intellectual debate and honesty contests, and about trying to connect with each other. And I think you've just very eloquently described all of those things. I want to take that a step further. And just say, one of the things that I admire about your deconstruction work is the radical honesty. So you did the airing of grief and your original intention was to let people just bitch at you right to say, to say, Why did you do this to me directly? It didn't turn out that way. But you made yourself vulnerable, and owned the change that you made you understood the potential hurt that might have been there. And you put yourself out there and I just, I can't commend you enough for that work.

Derek Webb  38:38  
Oh, I really appreciate it. Well, yeah, so that so for for your listeners who don't know that area, grief was a podcast that some friends and I did in the year that that came right after the fingers crossed records. So just because I'm sure that just for people who don't know that it can get confusing. When I during my years, the last 20 something years of making solo music up until 2017 was when fingers crossed came out all of my records up till then we're dealing with not exclusively, I wouldn't have called myself a Christian artist. I don't think there's any such thing. There are Christian people who make art and their art has the fingerprints of their beliefs all over it, you can't avoid that. But I was never I never thought of myself as a vocational minister. I was not. That's not why I was doing it. I'm a professional singer and songwriter. But, but a lot of my work I was very I was always very preoccupied with spirituality and with especially looking in a critical way at the church that I did love and care about and consider myself a part of that's that's a brief, very brief description of kind of what my ethic was over many years. 2017 is where the hard pivot you know that the heart corner were that I took where the fingers crossed record was I kind of called it the the tale of two divorces. It was kind of my both horizontal and vertical divorce. I went through both In one year, and that record is kind of the the soundtrack for that. And so it was a bit of a record scratch moment for people who'd been with me for a long time. And because at that time, there would have been a good 20 years that they might have been with me. And in all likelihood, we're in some similar place to where I was maybe critical of, but ultimately loving and considering themselves part of the evangelical church. And so, and as I mentioned before, we, when I did that record, it seemed that people were using the record as a Rorschach to tell their own, ultimately, their own deconstruction stories, because when people would try to tell me what they thought of the record, they would just wind up telling me their story, right, which I really loved. And that's why my friends, I thought, okay, you know what, let's do this. Like, apparently there are not there. And again, this was back in 2015, or no, no, it was a 2017 2017. Maybe there are already plenty, but for at least these people, they seem to not have a safe place to tell these stories. So they're telling them to me, and I think there are a lot of people would be deeply comforted to hear these stories. And to hear, as you mentioned before, like their story, someone else, someone hearing their own story coming out of the mouth of another person, which means that they're not alone. And they're not crazy. And so our idea was, what if we just set up essentially, like a telephone number, and you can just call it and I'll spend 10 minutes on the phone with you, and you can just tell me your story. And just tell me, what your where you've been and what we'll we'll we'll bleep your name out. And we won't, you know, it'll, it'll be semi anonymous, and you can just kind of air your grief about your spirit, you know, your spiritual journey or whatever. And there were some people who aren't who did use it as a, as a means of evangelizing me or just telling me how generally heartbroken and angry they were at me for providing soundtrack for their lives up until that point, and then departing from that from their story, which I understand and that's fine. But ultimately, we did a handful of seasons of just collecting these deconstruction stories and kind of assembling them back by topic, and then releasing them for people as a means of comfort and feeling welcomed and included. And, and not alone, right. And I learned more than anybody did. I mean, because I was so new to it. And so to hear the stories of some people who had been going through a deconstruction or been through already a deconversion, decades before, and to hear it to hear their wisdom and what was on the other side of it, and to hear what something like reconstruction looked like for them, right, was really helpful. And it was I feel like I got the best end of the deal, hearing getting to hear all those stories, but it was a pretty overwhelming response. And I'm definitely proud of that work. I'm glad it's I'm glad it's there. We don't we're not doing it anymore. But I'm glad it's there for people to find if they find it, especially comforting. Yeah.

David Ames  43:03  
Yeah, and I don't mean to be stuck on the past here.

Derek Webb  43:06  
No, not at all.

David Ames  43:08  
If I were to grossly oversimplify. Fingers crossed, reads to me as I wish I could stay in. I can't. And I'm sorry about that. Targets feels a bit more of I'm out. What now how do I how do I reconstruct what what is life look like now. But that leads us to your current project, which is called the Jesus hypothesis. And I want you to talk about it, but it sounds like you're just revisiting some of the questions with a different perspective. So you want to tell us

Derek Webb  43:39  
about Yes. Yeah. So that's very well said I appreciate it. I appreciate you checking those things out. And yeah, so fingers crossed I mentioned and that's kind of the tail to divorces targets was directed came after and that was kind of like Okay, I think we've I think I've paid my my dues here now. I think I'm done grieving. I don't want that to be the hallmark of I don't want that to be the to be the grid through which I'm having to look at this forever. It's just I'm always pulling that thing apart. I'm always leaving a thing I want to go towards a thing now like I want to, I want to be not just repulsed, but compelled like I don't want to just be repelled I want to be you know, and so targets was more of a kind of defiantly joyous, yes, you know, record about unbelief, and also finding love again, it's about falling in love. And I'm remarried now for several years. And, you know, so it was it was it was I needed some joy and some the sound of joys to finances, rock and roll. So it's a very rock and roll record. Yeah. So Jesus hypothesis is the new project and I and the reason that I came around to, to doing this and what it's kind of about or what I'm trying to accomplish, was realizing that while I did go through a pretty intense kind of audit deconstruction, whatever process and I like the language of audit better because it's like that feels like a thing that's meant to be done. On regularly Yeah, rather than there's this exhausting, reconstruct it now deconstruct again and build it back up and tear back down. It's like my solution or whatever to that potential exhaustion was to just stop constructing why are we constructing like, the term belief is so problematic to me because of all the connotation around it like, I don't have anything anything in my life, I would put the weight of the term belief on anymore, I don't believe anything. Instead, rather than constructing and deconstructing, I'm going to my, the idea that was in the language I like is I'd rather hypothesize in real time, and whatever continues to ring true and work, I will continue to bring with me, but I want to be in a position to come in to new information and abandon it in a second if it stops making any sense that I think is a pretty decent failsafe from what had happened before happening again, like I don't want to become a fundamentalist about agnosticism, right? Or atheism, I don't, I want to remain open, and I want to hear everything, and I want to weigh everything out. And, and so that was part of it. The other big part of it was, as I mentioned, before, trying to take some responsibility, and own some of my own story. And maybe that being the biggest part of why I've gone through what I've gone through, and not even really at being the fault of a particular brand of evangelicalism, or God, or Jesus or the church or whatever, but I want to own it. My initial trip through the china shop, as the deconstructing it was I you know, I went in there with an axe and I chopped some some stuff down and I, it's what I needed to do. I think that's the way a lot of people feel initially about it. But I was taking some pretty broad strokes. And what I realized is that as I would have conversations with my wife, with my friends, inevitably, about invisible reality, about religion, about spirituality, about all of it, when I would shift into that gear, and start to talk about Jesus, God, the Bible, church, whatever, fascinatingly, I would go right back to where I was, in terms of how I thought, what all my opinions about all that stuff, I would fall right back into it and start defending the castle again. And so my friends would joke with me and say, you say you don't have a dog in the fight. But we're in this really, we're in this long conversation about talking about all this stuff. And you're come off like a reformed, agnostic, like, what's your deal? Like? It's like us, you say, you're not part of it. But it's almost like you're still defending this particular view of all this interesting. And I was like, oh, that's awful. Like, that means every time I go back to think about it, I'm revert I'm reverting, I'm going back into previous opinions that are just don't have any up to date thinking around them. And it's like, so maybe the thing that I previously took a, you know, an axe to, I need to go back and take a scalpel to, and I need to get specific and I need to get focused and I what I need to do is put, not just Okay, great theism. Okay, I've put that on trial, I've already come out of that a little bit from from a broad standpoint, now I need to go in and go after Reformed theology. And I need to go after my particular things, and I need to I need to surgically remove all that stuff and get it detached from it, so that I can just go back and even have thoughts about God, Jesus, the Bible, the church, and have them be in any way objective in 2021 2022, without having to only see them through my the narrow view of the way I've always seen them. Yeah, I need to go to look at them fresh, so that I can at least have better thoughts about them, and have some objectivity about them and put them in some kind of context. So that's really what this new record is, it's me going back and revisiting all of those specific presumptions, and putting all that stuff up on trial, working my way through my particular view of all of it, and just hypothesizing about it and saying, Okay, what if I was to allow myself because these are not things that I allowed myself previously. What if I was to and this will sound rude, very rudimentary to many of your listeners, but just just to say it, what if I allowed myself that inerrancy does not have to be part of the fixed system? What does that now allow to happen? What if I go in with a fundamental distrust of the apostle Paul, that's the majority of the New Testament what is that allowed to be possible now? What if I go through and in other words, what if I changed some of my rules and slowly go through and untangle all those things and then just look at all of it shit, there might be a lot of really interesting insightful things to learn and there might be some things I want to bring with me and there might not I don't want to give daddy all the control by being angry at daddy for the rest of my life. It's like so I want to go in and own it and I want to go in and and and look more critically at it. So that's kind of what this new record has is, is me going through and really pulling that stuff apart.

David Ames  50:07  
Yeah, that sounds awesome. And then you're doing one other really interesting thing. And that is that you are having your fans be a part of the process. So you'll actually do a session with your Patreon viewers, and they're able to interact with you on some level and then basically get inside your head as your as your yes.

Derek Webb  50:27  
Because, yes, because I thought that the people who had been with me this long and I do I have the way I kind of manage my relationship to the people who most deeply resonate with the songs and the questions and they've been with me the longest where who who care that much, or we apparently have that much in common where we really deeply resonate, you know, we're connected, is through this community platform called Patreon. And it's just a way for people to support to regularly micro support me, and then just have total access to everything all the time, you know, just and, and so everybody kind of gets what they need out of the deal. And it's a really beautiful thing. And so anyways, and that's been my thing for a handful of years now. And so my patrons, you to me feel like a safe group, because they really know me, I've spent a lot of time with most of them. It's, it's a manageable group, it's like four or 500 people. It's not, it's not 1000s of people, it's and so these are people who many of whom I really legitimately know, some of whom I talk to once a month on Zoom for about 20 minutes. So it's like, and I have for years and like we really know each other. And I do like private online shows for them all the time that we have q&a, and we talk and we have discord discussion groups. And so I feel I felt safer offering this to them. And I've always been a very private processor creatively. And I like nobody, my wife, my best friends don't hear the songs until I have obsessed over every conjunction. But with this, I thought you know what this would be, especially if I'm calling it a hypothesis if I'm experimenting, I think it might be interesting for folks who care and who want to see that, to really go with me through the whole process and really understand literally everything about this record and the songs and the decision making and the content and the themes. And so I started with no songs and I said, Okay, I'm going to live stream the entire process, and archive it to so you can go back and you can catch up. And then you can come with me and you can be live with me and and I've done maybe 18 or 20 songwriting live streams. I started with no songs I've got about 10 songs now that I'm not done writing. And I literally you can go back and you can literally watch me out of out of thin air. Like come up with and commentate my way through every melodic choice, every chord choice, every lyric choice, and just commentate my way through everything. I'm thinking, I've got multiple stereo cameras in my studio. And I just sit here and I just talk my way through it. Yeah, and I'm doing and now that we're in the recording phase, I'm doing that with the recording as well. We got cameras running, I'm actually doing the vocal takes and performing and we're doing it. So when the record is done, it'll come out sometime next year, I don't know exactly what the schedule is coming up, we're done with it yet. But this you'll be able to hear the song finished and then go back and start and watch the whole song appear out of thin air over time. And it just felt like this was a good record to, to offer that if to pull the curtain back for people who cared. And especially for people who might benefit to hear the literal thought progression all the way through. So they could really understand every one of those lines, every one of those lyrics. And so it would just enhance potentially their experience with the songs to wear when they're listening to it. I've been the only person who when I'm performing songs or talking about songs or hearing some of the songs, I have the memories of Oh, I remember where I was I remember that moment. I remember what I was thinking about the book I was writing when I wrote that I remember what like right when that appeared It was now there will be four or 500 other people who will have those memories with me of having been there when that happened. And they'll know exactly where I wasn't what I was thinking about what I was reading and, and it'll, if that helps them going through what they're going through. I thought that would be such a fascinating thing to try. Yeah. And so far, it's been amazing. It's been really fun. It would be very overwhelming for anybody who is not a big fan. But if it is the kind of thing that you're into, I'm just happy to have the document of it. And so that's kind of the way we've been doing it. And it's been pretty interesting. So Well, I

David Ames  54:26  
think you're on the cutting edge. I think that you're blazing a trail here that probably people will follow you.

Derek Webb  54:33  
Oh, well I appreciate it. It feel it makes it makes the creative process, the real time creative process of making the thing, the art just as much as the product of the result of that process, which most of the time, a record by the time somebody hears it. They've really missed all the magic, I mean of the thing appearing and the thing happening and the inspiration and everything that goes into it in the blood, sweat and tears. You get to hear the product of a process, but you don't Get to actually observe the process. And I just think, you know, records that have been important to me over the years, what I wouldn't give to have been a fly on the wall. And I've gotten to been with the artists when they were when it was happening. And to see the moment when they sang that vocal that I have now obsessed and listened to 1000 times and know every nuance of, and I just thought, I don't presume to be one of those types of artists. But for the handful of folks who connect with what I make, in that way, I would love for them to have that. And and and I'm always just trying to find, especially in the the world of digital art, and where there's no scarcity left in the world of digital music, it's like to create something that you had to kind of be there for and to and ultimate to enhance your experience of something that is that has no scarcity anymore, you can at least have a different experience of it and a heightened experience and enhanced experience of it. Yeah, you know, if you wish to, I liked that idea. And it is it feels like me making it is kind of so for these handful of people, the experience of going through this with me, is going to kind of be the art, it's that the album, so to speak for them is going to be this whole real time experience that we're having together. Right. And them honestly seeing where it's going before I do and knowing what it's about before I will, because they have the objectivity. I'm like right here, I'm like, right against, I don't know, I don't see it, I'll be the last one to see it. They don't take me months, it's always happens once the record comes out months later, when I've detached from the experience of having made it and I can just kind of forget a lot of that process and just listen to it more objectively, is when I get a sense of Oh, shit, like that's really revealing in a way I didn't realize deep, you know, but I don't usually get that till later. But these folks are going to know it long before me. And I also just love I love when art takes risks. I think that art is one of the few places left in culture where you can take real risks, and you can be really, and that can make something really beautiful. And I love artists to take risks. And I'm always looking for ways to take creative risks, I think great things happen. Because it keeps you as a creator on the edge of your seat it keeps it keeps you as a as a viewer listener, supporter at the edge of your seat. So I love the idea of it being something that for me, after 25 years of doing this as my job felt like risk taking and that that I immediately responded to I had the idea of doing it this way and immediately thought this could be awful. Like I could try it and I could literally not be able to do it right? Because I've been so private, what if I'm sitting in front of a camera, and I'm seeing how many people are watching and I'm like, just can't do it. What if I just can't do it. Because you do depend on something external to kind of happen, you know, you, you stand there with the key on the kite, but the lighting doesn't strike. There's nothing, nothing, nothing worth watching. And so luckily, it has worked, which I think is more a testament to the support that I received from these people and my trust in them. Yeah, you know, so anyway, but it has been fascinating. So it's been really fun,

David Ames  58:00  
very, very, very cool.

On the topic of art, or something that Colin was getting at and that an obvious observation as the bleeding of love song in the human secular sense and a worship song to God. In some ways, you're also doing with fingers crossed the divorce and deconversion at the same time, the flip side of that coin that's really interesting to me. Yeah. Is that something intentional?

Derek Webb  58:42  
That's a great question. The only way I know that the only way I know to answer it is to say that like I have always considered it my job and the job of an artist. And this is just a definition I like and you can people can use it if they if they like and they don't have to, is to look at the world and describe it. Look at the world tell us what you see. That's that's the job of an artist, it's really that simple. That is always that's always been the ethic of the mind, that's always been my creative ethic always. And it's interesting to me that sometimes when I have looked at the world to describe it, it has come out like something that would sound like a worship song. Sometimes it will come out as something that sounds critical of a worship song, sometimes it will come out as it comes out so many different ways. And yet it's the same process is producing all of it and, and, and the reason is because everything in that the reason I like that that as a job description is it's all variables. The world is constantly changing, that I am observing, I am constantly changing as I observe it. So I could even stand in the same exact spot look at the same exact thing and describe it a completely different way or not describe it at all not find any particular meaning in it. And I and that so something about really adhering closely to that ethic has kept me Be really honest, and it's kept me or it's proven, it's presented me with the opportunity for honesty, right. And so that has been fascinating to me to to note for me to know that I'm always going at it the same way, I'm always this is the same approach I always take. And yet look at what radically different things are happening over time. And I think I am really committed to that I'm really committed to really boxing out around the creative moments. And I hope this is what my patrons are observing in these sessions or whatever is like, I'm very committed to putting whatever perceived complication or trouble arises from something I may be writing at any given time, what may be coming out of me, vulnerably, I didn't even time putting those, you know, in the mail for the future for me to have to deal with, and really boxing out around the actual creative moment to make sure that at least it comes out vulnerably, honestly, so that by the time it's captured, I just don't want to have projected any kind of insecurity onto it. In the moment of inception, I really work hard to make sure even if if it presents tremendous trouble for me later, I'd rather say You know what, it's not my problem right now, to worry about what the consequence of me saying this is going to be right for my friends, for my family, for my fans, for anybody, I just need to say if this is what's coming out of me, I need to I need to be both bodyguard and midwife to it and really make sure it gets out and it gets out completely and the most the most concentrated pure version of it that I can as quickly as I can, and then just have to deal with that later. And so I just kind of always push consequences create the consequences of creative decisions, just pushing those into the future. Until they're just, there's nothing I can do about it. And it's like, oh, well, here's, here's this song. And I don't know, I don't know how I let myself get away with writing. Now having my marketing business hat on, like, Yeah, this is super problematic. But, you know, I, I can just all I can do is go back and get mad at the artists who wrote it. But I think that's a good tension, especially as a solo artist to create for yourself. Because yeah, there's a point at which I'm gonna have to be concerned about, okay, who is this for? And how do I market it to those people? How do I try to set it up to find the people who I think it's for and who do I, and you know, it's what I do for a living, it's how I make money. So I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to use whatever I've made back here, I've got to use that to separate people from their money, because that's how I eat Yeah. So if I over alienate everybody, I'm just going to work myself right out of the job. And maybe that's, you know, that and I've gotten very comfortable with a cycle of self sabotage where it's like, I feel very comfortable shedding a third of my audience annually, I think that's a pretty healthy thing. And and gaining a new third of people who are more immediately resonant with what I'm making. Now. I think that's a just a probably a very natural, healthy consequence of honesty. In the arts, you know, it's like it you have to, you can't be mad at people who don't like what you're doing now, you have to be grateful they were ever there. And then have them clear those seats. So somebody else can come sit in those seats. But I'm happy having no more fans, just having the number generally that I have had for the handle painful years that I've had them, and some of them clearing out to make room for new folks. And that's kind of the way I rationalize it and do it.

David Ames  1:03:30  
And you're growing as a human being and changing not just from a faith position, but just as you grow as an adult in general. Absolutely. To be able to express those experiences. Yeah.

I have absolutely stolen one of your guests on the airing of grief. It said something that just bowled me over. And if you know who it is, you can tell her thank you for me. Okay. But she disambiguated deconstruction of the church, from deconstruction of God. Yes. And if I were to take it just one step further, I'd say. There's just multiple layers of deconstruction, deconstruction in the Bible, inerrancy, deconstruction, theology, deconstructing the church, and then maybe the last thing to go is deconstructing God. And I'm just curious for you personally. Yeah. Did those happen in any particular order for you?

Derek Webb  1:04:28  
Yeah, I really appreciate you asking. Because I do think that's insanely important. And I feel like what you're describing that more granular deconstruction is essentially what I'm doing now. Like, I thought I was done, you did it, and it happened, and it's done. So now I am deconstructed. But as it turns out, you know, everything must always get more complex there. There you must apply more complexity to everything all the time, and break it down into further smaller pieces and smaller pieces and smaller pieces. And I think that's kind of what I'm allowing myself to do now. It was big picture now it's small picture and you Yeah, that was a great feature of those conversations, especially in that first season. It's something I picked up on and probably learned from the same person that you heard it from. And then it wound up being. For me language, I brought with me in the most conversations with folks who were part of our podcasts. And that was, like, it was interesting, how many times somebody would tell me their story. And then as we start to have a conversation about it, when they were kind of ready to talk about it, rather than ready to tell me, once they were done kind of telling me we were, we would just be discussing it. It's, it's, it was so interesting and ironic to me how many people, I was kind of talking back into faith, because I was like, okay, that's fascinating. I hear all those parts of your story. But for me at the time, I remember quick on my feet at that time, I'm breaking it into kind of three categories. You're not ever deconstructing even broad deconstruction, you're not you're not, there's not one thing you're deconstructing, there's the the idea of the church like the the institution, and the cultural voice of the church that exists kind of in the world, there's that. And your relation to that there is the literal expression of the Church, which is like Christian people, proud of fellow practitioners of Christianity, there's that. And then there's capital god, there's like, the idea of the all good, all powerful Maker of all things to whom you must be reconciled by way of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So there's like, there's these three things, and a lot of people would really have a lot of issues with the first two. But I wouldn't hear a lot about the last one. In their story. I was like, what sounds like, you have basically figured out that you don't belong, you don't resonate with or identify, either socially or politically, with the institution of the church anymore, that's a great thing, it's a great thing to be free of, because that just oversimplifies and reduces everything. And that's no good. And so I even if you were part of it, I would say to not be part of it anymore, because you just you're letting categories, do all your thinking for you. And that's and have all your conversations for you. And that's not healthy, it's not good. And then beyond that, it sounds like maybe you don't particularly identify or have been failed by, or particularly hurt by the individuals, the expression the actual community, the the congregants, that's totally fair, that's just your experience. But I don't know that that necessarily has a lot to do maybe with it, maybe maybe this is where you now get to start, as you said, thinking about how does all that bear or does it at all, on the way you feel about God as an idea, and maybe even your understanding of God, as an idea being uniquely informed by the Bible, maybe that's the thing you need to go pull apart so that you can have a better, bigger, broader, more abstract idea of God in order to determine if that's even a thing that you agree with, or resonate with. Because like, there's a song on the new record on G's hypothesis, that's called some Gods deserve atheists. And that's a, that's a phrase I've had for a super long time way, before I D converted, I had that phrase, because it was like, right, if I'm, the likelihood that the God that any individual is believing in is mostly a construction of their own ideas, is very high. Because Because like we are most likely the majority of God, as we see, it has got to be mostly a construction of it's, it's, it's, it's our own, it's our own ransom letter that we've kind of compiled of a lot of crap that we've cut out of a lot of magazines, it's like, a lot of Bibles, and a lot of experiences and a lot of relationships, like we've kind of pasted this thing together. And if you're rejecting that, and saying, I'm an atheist or an agnostic to that, well, that's fine. And that doesn't really have anything to do with anything other than you learning how you are distinct from everything that's behind you. But it's like, that kind of maybe has nothing to do with whether or not there's some benevolent, creative energy in the universe, and whether or not you can fit it into the skin of the God of the New and Old Testament. I mean, that's an important thing to think about. But that's not the whole conversation. And so that's the beginning of the thing, not the end of the thing, in my opinion, you know, because you immediately call something by a different name and loose it from all of the constraints that you've put on it. And now you're dealing with a whole other thing that needs a whole fresh, you know, exercise of thought around it like oh, well, because, you know, like, for me, the one thing that's come back around as maybe something I think I believe in or something I think is a feature of reality that I can discern that I think I can observe and test and does is cause and effect. Cause and effect I think is an actual thing. I actually do think and you can call that, you know Kismet? You can call that luck. You can even frame that into the law of attraction that what you put out comes back energy that you invest returns manifestation. I all that could be boiled down to cause and effect. And I do think that's a feature of reality. I do beyond that. I don't know. So the point being, I think it's extremely helped Want to break these things apart and not think you've done it? Just because you've decided you're not a part of the American Evangelical Church, political party anymore? Yeah, it's like, that's a great thing to do. It's a great start. But just because I want you to be thorough, and I want you to be healthy, and I ultimately want you to believe whatever rings true to you. And I don't have any problem with that. Maybe don't assume that baby Jesus went out with that particular bathwater, like, maybe you need to now start thinking about those things separate from you feeling like you're beholden to this particular political language, or rigid theological worldview, or whatever it is, it's like, it's important to break those things apart, and to make sure that you thought about them separately, right. And that was a lot of the encouragement we tried to bring to the airing of grief conversations was, like, I hear you really thoroughly doing it with this, but not with these two, right, or maybe with these two, but not with that one, you know, so don't move faster than you're ready to move, like you've really thought a lot about and really have a clear, you've settled with this. But like, maybe that just frees you up to really think more critically about this other one, and don't run so fast. And so far, like, be where you are, and move at your own pace. And, and I think that was, at least for me helpful to say, Oh, I don't have to, because some people won't go all the way there because they're like, oh, but if I do this, I mean, all of it's gotta be it's all or nothing at all has to go or I can't keep any of it's like, no, no, no, God doesn't get everything in the divorce. Like, there's a lot of things you could bring with you that those could be your things, you don't lose all of that stuff. You can bring love of enemy, love of neighbor, you can bring love of creation in the world. And I mean, you can bring all kinds of things with you that you thought belonged or whatever to your previously held worldview. Those can be your things that cannot be part of your own reconstructions scenario, you know, but so I so that's a great point. And I think I learned that from the folks who we were talking to in the podcast and hearing, it was just an observation, hearing them do it. And they realize you know what, that's not all of it, though, right? You're talking about this facet and that facet, but there's at least three if not a dozen, but there are the big three, you know, there's the group of people, the institution, and then like the dude, those all those all deserve their own

David Ames  1:12:16  
deconstruction. Yes. And for sure, you know, I'm doing just that right, this idea of secular grace, bring that with you. Of course, I'm absolutely stealing the intuitive obviousness that former evangelicals will recognize what we're talking about.

Derek Webb  1:12:31  
Yep. And if there's language that's helpful, and that is particularly beautiful, that you that we do find in the pages of the Bible. Well, then let's see if that some of that poetry is helpful. And then let's bring that with us. Absolutely. Let's do that. Yeah. Like, we're not going to allow some particular view of it, deprive us from benefiting from it if there's benefit to be had. And so I don't want to be afraid, I want to fear no information, right? I want to fear no language, there's no such thing as like, we tell our kids all the time, there's no such thing as bad words. They're not good words and bad words, there are only words and the meaning that we assign to them, and the ways that we use them. And so if I need to, if I if I particularly love certain poetic language, or philosophical language in the Bible, I don't want to feel like I don't I no longer suddenly have rights to that or something doesn't belong to somebody else. If I want to bring that with me and make that part of the language that I'm, again, kind of putting together to bring with me that that helps me then then I have every right to do that. And so do you. Yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that. And I'm glad to hear that that's part of the work that you know, that the community is doing.

David Ames  1:13:49  
As we wrap up here, Derek, one of my observations is that you provide a bridge for the Christian who is in the early part of deconstruction. I've always wanted to be that, but I think my audience has turned out to be the D converted. Yeah, primarily, it's people on the other side, and how do we live and thrive now? Yes, but I really appreciate the voice that you have and how necessary it is, man. And I want you to expand on one quote of yours you have shared in the past that you shouldn't fear deconstruction, The only danger is in not questioning at all. That's exactly right. And I'd like you to expand on that and like and let's assume for a moment that maybe I have a handful of listeners who are still believers who are just beginning those questions.

Derek Webb  1:14:36  
Yeah, that is the quote like that. Because if it turns out to not be true, wouldn't you want to know? And because if it turns out to be true, don't you want to know like, and so rather than to make some big decisions about languages and concepts when you're young, and then just never think about it again, just go on second. Well, you know, that's it, I've done my thinking about that stuff. And so here's my, these are my talking points. And here's the scripture verses that back it up, and I'm kind of done thinking about that, like, that's not a great healthy way to, to go forward and to be, you know, to be a person, here's my, my sweet dog contributing is very strong, very strong feelings about this. But yeah, so the point being that the only real danger is in not pulling the thread, because and I've even heard, you know, like, what's the language like God God is, is bigger than your doubts, or you got it, you know, God, God can handle your questions and your doubts and, and is, you know, arguably arguably bigger than whatever your doubts and questions are. But so either we believe that, so what what I would say is like, don't delay, don't if the stakes are high. And so there's an urgency, I think, that I would like to leave people with, to really fully engaging with yourself and these in these conversations, to really get to the bottom of it. In other words, pull the thread and pull it and one of things I love about John Shelby Spong, who is one of my favorite theologians, he's a, an Episcopal, I think he's a bishop. And he's, I've just gotten into his books in the last few years, and he's really tremendous. I've really loved his writing Jesus for non religious is a fantastic book for the believer or non believer, in my opinion, because he has such tremendous historical treatment of so much of the Bible, and so much I've really enjoyed his work. But in the beginning of that book of JSON religions in the introduction, he says, and I believe it when he does this, that his goal is to pull the thread and follow it and follow it wherever it goes, no matter where it goes. Even if it leads him completely out of all belief and faith and all, then you have to be committed to going all the way there. Yeah. And so I would just Yeah, so pull the thread continue pulling it up, because the only danger is not pulling it in order to somehow keep yourself in a state of Arrested Development to where you don't go on to realize, because maybe there is a better, more beautiful, more believable, more intensely fulfilling version of God or whatever it is, on the other side of pulling that thread just a little, maybe you're underselling, maybe your maybe your view of inversion of God, for those who are believers and fearful of losing all of it? Wouldn't you rather lose all of it? If the issue that you have currently is not a real thing, a thing that you have constructed? That cannot save you that cannot bring a fruitful, abundant life? For you? Wouldn't you rather get past that? Wouldn't? Wouldn't you rather be an atheist to a false god to find a real one? Is it Don't you think that risk is worth taking you, we have to be an atheist to every god that we find until we come up against a real one. Yeah, and and so you have to continue to do that you have to throw every false god under the bus, every false Savior onto the cross until we find ourselves to one that we have to reckon with. And that is the pursuit, that is the pursuit of all theology, that is the pursuit of all zealous believers. And so in my opinion, yeah, that the danger is in not doing it, the danger is in putting your head in the sands of certainty and saying, I will not think about it, because I'm so afraid of losing it. If your mere thought of it, could lose it for you, my invitation to you is that you've already lost it. If your god cannot, can't bear even the weight of the simplest tug at the thread, then it's not a real God who can save you. And so you need to be free of it. And you need to get on the pursuit towards a real God if there's one to be found, and to know God, if there's none to be found. But I would rather see you pursue your way all the way into truth, or, you know, at least feeling intellectually satisfied, then again, to just bury your head in the sand of certainty, and to be free of the preoccupation with certainty, ultimately, because when it comes as again, to invisible things like God, or unknowable things like the future certainty, we're just not going to be trading uncertainty, unfortunately, it's just it's not a thing, we're going to be able to be certain amount there is, no one can claim certainty on any side of this argument. Nobody can. We're finite human beings. That's right. So be free of that. And then pull as hard as you can for as long as you can on that thread. And just see where it takes you. Yeah, that's always been my encouragement in my in my invitation, because I see again, the only real danger is not pulling it. Because then you're just never going to know what can be known. And I don't I personally can't live that way. I need to know what can be known. Yeah. And there's more to know every day. And the further you pull, the more the light shines upon an even greater new questions. Yeah, there's even more thread to pull and so I'll run behind that to the day I'm dead, you know.

David Ames  1:19:54  
Wow, that is so incredible, and a great place for us to wrap up. Derek, how can we People find your music. How can they become a patreon? Let us know how they

Derek Webb  1:20:03  
Yeah, Derek web.com is just the probably the easiest, d e r e k w e BB Derek webb.com. And I'm just at Derek Webb everywhere you know on social media and wherever you go look. And that's, that's where you'll find me. I would love for people to come and hang with our little motley crew of folks. And you know, we've got 30 year faithful believers, we've got people who never believe in the first place, we've got people who have come in or out of it in the last six months, we've got everything in between. And me never knowing where I'm at, and doing it live in front of everybody. So it's like it's a, it's a pretty warm welcome place. I would love for folks to, if any of the music can provide any soundtrack to any part of your life, I would be honored to be found. So I think that's probably your best bet.

David Ames  1:20:46  
Yeah. And we'll definitely have links in the show notes. So

Derek Webb  1:20:48  
great. Great. Great.

David Ames  1:20:50  
Derek, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Derek Webb  1:20:52  
Yeah, it's a pleasure is great. Thank you again, for answering my email. Already, I really appreciate getting to do this, I hope we can talk get some time Absolutely.

David Ames  1:21:18  
Final thoughts on the episode, I did this interview and the turnaround very quickly within one week, and I feel like I'm still processing this conversation, there was so much to it, it is so dense, I think you can hear that I am holding back a lot as because in my mind, Derek's time was very valuable. And I wanted to get him on mic recorded as much as possible. I have a lot of thoughts, I don't think I will be able to capture them all here. I think Derek is a quote machine. And you should go back and listen to this two or three times to try to capture all of the things that he says, I appreciated the analogy of not being able to discern the quality of the boat while you're in it. This is a lot of what I talked about when I talked about being in the bubble, that you cannot gain perspective on the ideology you are within, until you take at least a half step back. And that is sometimes the biggest challenge. But I also really appreciated him talking about the new project that Jesus hypothesis. In that context, he says I would rather hypothesize in real time, and whatever continues to bring true and work I will continue to bring with me. But I want to be in a position to come into new information and abandon it in a second. If it stops making any sense. That I think is a pretty decent failsafe from what had happened before happening again. Ultimately, holding what we believe to be true lightly as being willing to incorporate new information is the new epistemology the new way of thinking the new way of discovering what is true, that will lead us to closer and closer approximations of the truth. The last quote of darex is definitely my favorite talking about what do you have to lose by asking the questions of deconstruction that you either find out that is true, which would be great. Or you find out it's not true. And then you have learned something? Hate says Wouldn't you rather lose all of it, if the it that you have currently is not a real thing? And I think that really summarizes the question at hand for all of us who have gone through some doubt, who might be in the middle of doubt. For me, this was the question, did I care about truth? Or did I care about defending my faith, and I fell on the side of caring about truth. And being willing, as Derek says, to pull on that thread for as long as it takes as far as it goes. And in my case, it came to the end of theism. It came to the end of my Christianity, it became for me to atheism and humanism. If there was any daylight between Derek and I, it would be that I think he gives too much credit to the concept of the versions of Christianity. So he said an early on in the conversation, it could be a result of him having the wrong view or the wrong practice. This reminds me though, of how many times we as D converts have been told, Well, I wouldn't believe in that God, either. You're believing in the wrong way. If you believe like I did, or the God that I believe in, you would have real faith and it would all be different. And so there really is no winning that battle. I think at some point, it is okay to say I'm open to new proof to new information. But I have closed the book on the versions of Christianity are the versions of theism, and I can move on. So I think Derek gives almost too much credit to them here. I'm thinking of the Christian leaders more than the average A person in the pew because that's just in my mind a manipulation tactic. And I think Derek can be more assertive about where he's actually at on that particular topic. I want to thank Derek for being on the show, he absolutely lived up to the honesty contest. That seems to be the hallmark of all of his work. And I highly suggest that you check out his music, check out the airing of grief, become his Patreon and discover the Jesus hypothesis and participate in that process as well. Derek web.com is his website. And I will have links to all of these things in the show notes. The secular Grace Thought of the Week is about the sea of ABCs of secular spirituality, the connection part, the human connection, a quote from this episode from Derek, he says, it turns out that I am not just a hypothetical sinner, I'm an actual one. The church loves the idea of radical confession. They love that in the hypothetical, but when you start doing it in a literal is when they start getting panicked. Now, of course, I don't believe in sin, I think you're not broken, you're human. But what I do believe in is that human connection, and you could potentially use the term confession of connecting and being vulnerable with another human being and in a trusting, loving relationship, sharing those deepest secrets that you have as a cathartic process. I wanted to talk about secular grace so much during this conversation, but again, I didn't want to interrupt Derek much, but to just to say that, as Derek mentioned, we can take what we like from Christianity, and in his words, God doesn't get everything in the divorce. We can take this concept of loving one another agape love, of sacrificial, proactive love for one another, and try to live that out in our lives, without the need for a supernatural belief system. This is the bit that I am trying to bring with me and to share with you. I honestly believe this is what transforms people. Love motivates us on a level that is very, very deep. Our need for being known, being accepted being loved is very, very deep. So if we can be that for one another, we can have a radical impact on the people around us and ultimately, the community and our society. As I mentioned at the top 2022 got a lot of goals, including being on other podcasts, I want to reach out to more Christian believers. We will have people like Matt Oxley who I also think is doing a good job of being that bridge in between. We have Carlene coming up who was on the holiday episode and Judah coming up who I mentioned in the Ask me anything, that I'm reaching out to various other slightly more well known secular humanist thinkers, and hopefully we'll have more of those on the show as well. If you happen to know anyone you'd like to hear on the show, either believer or or humanists, please refer me to them them to me and try to get us in contact. I'd really appreciate that. Until then, my name is David, and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. Join me and be graceful.

Time for the footnotes. The beat is called waves for MCI beats, links will be in the show notes. If you'd like to support the podcast, you can promote it on your social media. You can subscribe to it in your favorite podcast application, and you can rate and review it on pod chaser.com. You can also support the podcast by clicking on the affiliate links for books on Bristol atheists.com. If you have podcast production experience and you would like to participate podcast, please get in touch. Have you gone through a faith transition? And do you need to tell your story? Reach out? If you are a creator, or work in the deconstruction deconversion or secular humanism spaces, and you'd like to be on the podcast? Just ask. If you'd like to financially support the podcast there's links in the show notes. To find me you can google graceful atheist. You can google deconversion you can google secular grace, you can send me an email graceful atheist@gmail.com or you can check out the website graceful atheist.com My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. Join me and be graceful human beings

This has been the graceful atheist podcast

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Ask Me Anything 2021

Atheism, Critique of Apologetics, Deconstruction, Deconversion, ExVangelical, Humanism, Podcast, Religious but not Spiritual, Secular Community, Secular Grace
Listen on Apple Podcasts

Ask Me Anything 2021.

Questions from Sheila, Emily, Rick and Mark, Jimmy, Arline, Judah, and Matt.

Deconversion How To
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Still Unbelievable
https://anchor.fm/still-unbelievable/episodes/Episode-39—Deconstructing-a-Deconstruction-Deconstruction-els542
https://anchor.fm/still-unbelievable/episodes/Episode-64—Discussing-Sean-McDowell-and-John-Marriot-on-deconversion-part-1-e195h0h

Paulogia on Babylon Bee’s ExVangelicals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMFQJPKYK28

Exvangelical on Evangelical response to Deconstruction
https://www.irreverent.fm/show/exvangelical-1/on-the-deconstruction-discourse/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Anthony Pinn
https://gracefulatheist.com/2020/08/23/dr-anthony-pinn-humanism-and-race/

Amy Rath
https://gracefulatheist.com/2021/06/06/amy-rath-nonelife/

Bart campolo
https://gracefulatheist.com/2020/07/09/bart-campolo-humanize-me/

Why I am not an Anti-Theist
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/10/17/why-i-am-not-an-anti-theist/

My Deconversion Sotry
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/09/10/common-message/

Interact

Support the podcast
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Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Transcript

NOTE: This transcript is AI produced (otter.ai) and likely has many mistakes. It is provided as rough guide to the audio conversation.

David Ames  0:11  
This is the graceful atheist podcast. Welcome welcome. Welcome to the graceful atheist podcast. My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. I want to thank my latest reviewer on the Apple podcast store. Thank you to Jay eight G I ll E. I appreciate the review on the Apple podcast store. You too can rate and review the podcast on the Apple podcast store or pod chaser.com. Thank you. For those of you who don't know yet, we do have the deconversion anonymous Facebook group that is a private Facebook group, there is a thriving community there, I really encourage you to participate. This will be the last episode for the 2021 calendar year, we'll have an episode that will drop on January 2. By doing every other week during the month of December, Mike and I have been able to have a bit of rest. So I hope you don't mind too much. Thanks to Mike t for all the editing in 2021. But he is off on this episode. On today's show. Today's episode is an Ask Me Anything episode. We did this kind of in a rush. I had asked for questions a couple of weeks ago, and people waited to about Wednesday of the week before I'm releasing this episode. So what you'll notice is I have some very long answers and some relatively short ones. And that it was to try to get everybody who asked the question in this is my first asked me anything. I am hoping to do more because I think this is an interesting format. So if you didn't get your question in this time around, please consider sending in a voicemail either recorded on your phone or you can use the anchored on FM app to send me your question. And I will just gather those together for the next round maybe several months from now. So today I'm going to respond to some direct questions, respond to some questions that I've had in interviews, and then a couple of other things that are just on my mind. I am going to have a bunch of links in the show notes. So when I make reference to something, I'll try to have a link for that in the show notes. So here we go.

Shiela  2:44  
Hi, David, this is Sheila from Oklahoma. My question for you today concerns apologetics. When we were believers, we were taught to always be prepared to give a defense for the hope we have in Christ. Now that we are not believers, do you feel it is equally important to defend our unbelief in the same manner?

David Ames  3:04  
That is an incredibly important question. And it's going to give me the springboard to talk about another topic that I think we need to discuss. But to answer you directly Sheila, the short answer is no. And I of course want you to learn as you go through this deconstruction process, or come out the other side of it. There are just many things you don't yet know and going and educating yourself is a vital part of that process. I'll probably be referring to this multiple times today. But I have an article called How to D convert in 10 steps. It's a joke title, unfortunately. But it does go through what I call the quest for answers stage where you are at a point where you're now free to go find out what things are true. And there are no topics which are off limits. So from that perspective, you should have an answer for yourself. But I really want to bring home that you don't owe anyone an answer or an explanation. And I want to be clear here, I'm not saying you should never take on criticism or have people question you, but that's important, like learning how to have those discussions is good. The point that I want to make, Sheila is that we're having this moment, particularly since 2016 and the advent of the ex banje articles as as just a whole exponential wave of people are leaving the church. We're now beginning to see a serious backlash, particularly from evangelicals and prominent pastors and apologists are constantly attacking deconstruction and they are using straw man tactics to minimize and rationalize why people are deconstructing, rather than looking at themselves looking at the theology Je the systems themselves, it is much easier to say you Sheila must never have believed, you must not have really known Jesus, you didn't have a relationship with God, you didn't have a born again, experience. You will have either believers in your life, pastors, leaders, and apologists who will come at you almost immediately and expect you to have an entire worldview on day one, that they will pick it that to try to undermine your deconstruction deconversion, because you don't yet have a complete meta ethical structure or an idea of where you get purpose and meaning. The Evangelical response to particularly X Vangel articles in the current wave, which I need to point out is only the current wave we've had, I think, multiple waves of people leaving the church, obviously, throughout all of history, but just in the last 20 years, you have the new atheists who, as much as I criticize him all the time, we're kind of a vanguard of saying, critique of religion is no longer taboo. You had late aughts, bloggers and early podcasts. The wave that we're in now is bigger than just intellectual issues. It's moral issues against the church. It is the embracing of the LGBTQ community, it is the denial of sexual abuse within the church, it is 1000 things that now lead a person to begin questioning. And as I say all the time, it is not one thing, it is 1000 things. And part of the difficulty is that from an apologetic point of view, they want to limit it to just a handful of things, a list of five or six items. Almost all of those will be blaming you for your own deconstruction. And it is a way for them to ignore the implication of these waves of people leaving. And to get a visceral feel for why. Imagine if the apologists and the leaders handled the death of a loved one in the same way they are handling deconstruction. When a person is in the middle of deconstruction, they have lost their best friend, they've lost the companion who knows them the best, the one who loves them unconditionally, they have lost in very real practical terms, a community, they may have lost family members and friends. It can be the loneliest and most grief inducing period of time in a person's life. And imagine if the apologists did that to someone who had lost a loved one. Well, you can't grieve because you don't have an accurate theology of the afterlife. You don't have an accurate theology of Heaven and Hell, or you don't have an accurate theology for salvation, whether or not your loved one was saved. Can you imagine? And that is the equivalent of what is actually happening. deconstruction is a grief process. So if by chance, there are any evangelical leaders who are hearing this, your response should be one of love, and not of trying to undermine the person's experience for why they are deconstructing. The analogy continues in the sense that when you are grieving the loss of a loved one, it is incredibly difficult to articulate that pain. When you're in the middle of deconstruction, you're probably the least capable of articulating what is happening and why. And my biggest problem with the apologists is that the few of them who have actually spoken to someone who has deconstructed at all often are talking to someone in the middle of it, and they are hearing grief. Not a complete meta ethical, philosophical grounding of why Christianity isn't true. I can't say it simpler than this early on in my deconstruction and deconversion. I wanted desperately for my Christian loved ones and friends to understand why. In fact, the first blog post that I ever did about my deconversion The first paragraph say, for my loved ones for so that you can understand why and how this happened over the last five to six years, having talked to apologists, I've talked to apologists who focus on deconstruction, I have talked to multiple friends of mine. And including my wife, I've come to the conclusion that it's virtually impossible for the believer to understand the real reasons why we do convert, because if they did, they would be in that process themselves. The real reason is that it's not true. If it were true, it wouldn't be D constructible. True things stand the test of scrutiny. Like I say, it's not one thing. It's 1000 things. They want to focus on. What we're able to articulate, you know, I had a moral problem with the church, not loving LGBTQ people. I was hurt by the church, and the leadership did me wrong and I left, or I could no longer accept the inerrancy of Scripture. They want to blame that right. It's not just one of those things, you question one thing and you begin to ask yourself, What else might not be true, and it is the domino effect of one thing after another, being shown to be untrue. At the end of the day, we deconstruct the Bible. We deconstruct theology, we deconstruct Christian morality, we deconstruct the church. And the last thing to fall for most people is deconstructing God. I no longer believe such an entity exists. And there's no way our believing loved ones, or the apologists can ever understand that, or they would be deconstructing themselves.

To tie this up in a bow, I want to refer to a number of podcasts and blogs of late that have addressed from the D converts point of view, the evangelical backlash. I was on Andrew and Matthew Taylor's podcast, still unbelievable A while back, and we did an episode called deconstructing deconstruction, where we looked at an apologists point of view on this and tore it apart. If you ever want to hear me be less than graceful, it's when I go on someone else's podcast and I can unload a bit. Still unbelievable. Just did a recent episode, actually two of them with Andrew, Matthew and guest David Johnson from the skeptics and seekers podcast, and that was really good as well going through that. Paula GIA from YouTube fame has just recently addressed this and he takes a look at a Babylon B video that was making fun of X angelical. And then finally, Blake Justine's podcast X angelical. He just recently addressed this as well as his is a bit more meaty it has got a lot of links and references to various evangelical leaders and apologists. And it's worth listening to as well. So clearly, we're having this moment where this topic is coming up. Sheila, I know I went way long on that question, but thank you for sending it in. And I hope that answered it for you.

Next up is Judah. Judah has just recently recorded an episode with me so his episode will be coming out in January. And Judah very helpfully was pushing me on the topic of grace and the dark side of grace. I've hinted about this often and generally just lightly touched the topic. But I liked the framing that Judah had. Judas question was particularly aimed at the way that grace is used within the Christian context. It is basically a Get Out of Jail Free card such that somebody can do atrocious, heinous acts against humanity, and just ask for forgiveness, and they are supposed to be entirely forgiven. Another context might be in the case of abuse where in the Christian context, one feels guilt or pressure to forgive the abuser. I'm thankful to Judah for asking those questions and for pushing me on this because I want to make that very clear. especially in the case of an abusive relationship or situation, you are under no obligation to forgive that person. And that is definitely not what I mean by secular grace. To say it succinctly secular grace is much more about being willing to accept the vulnerability of others. And likewise be vulnerable with one another. With people that we trust. I don't mean, the entire world on Facebook, or anyone who asked I mean, your best friend, I mean, your soulmate partner who's been with you forever, someone you trust with your life. Those are the kinds of people that it's important to be vulnerable with and to express your love for them. In the public sphere, it's about giving the benefit of doubt to people and not assuming that they are terrible human beings. I've already done a bit of that today, going after the apologists, but I actually work really hard at trying to see the humanity of people with whom I disagree vehemently. It's super easy to fall into the pattern of those people are bad, they are evil. Does that mean that I don't hold them accountable? Absolutely not. That's the point of Judas question. And the point that I want to make here. It is about love with justice, as I often tried to explain to some of my more conservative family members, if justice were truly blind, if the police officers who have shot and killed black men and women over the centuries, literally, but particularly of late, if they were held accountable, we wouldn't be having protests and the kind of civil unrest that we currently have. In my lifetime, since Rodney King, I've witnessed uncountable numbers of times where a person of color has been abused by the police and the police have gone either uncharged under charged, or acquitted, in cases where it seems fairly obvious that that should not have been the case. Of course, I believe in, you're innocent until proven guilty. That's a bedrock foundation. What I'm saying is, if there wasn't an obvious statistical disparity in justice, we wouldn't be having these kinds of conversations. So secular grace is not about letting people off the hook. In many ways, it is holding people to account. So particularly in the public sphere, secular grace is about Yes, give the benefit of the doubt, recognize the humanity of even those who you find atrocious, but hold them to account. Justice is important. In the private sphere, secular grace is amongst the consenting, you're not vulnerable with people who are a threat to you, you are only vulnerable to people you trust, literally with your life. The proactive part of secular grace is to be open to people who need some secular grace, who you don't already know or have a relationship with. I mean, this is just a restating of Be kind to one another. My guess is, there's nothing complicated there at all. I can tell you from watching the deconversion anonymous Facebook group that you all have figured this out, you are doing secular grace with one another in a way that I am just astounded by and I often have guests on who exemplify secular Grace better than I do, and I am blown away by this and love it. That's fantastic. So at the bottom of it all, it really is about loving people. And that does not mean letting them off the hook. Judah emailed me a second question that I'd like to address. He asks, Do you think there remains a place for the anti theists of the world? Do they serve a constructive purpose in any significant way? Or is it simply a stage of development? This is a really interesting question, because you could basically describe my work with the graceful atheists both the blog and the podcast and As trying to be the antithesis of anti theism. However, I have really good friends within the secular community who who believe very strongly that their work countering or doing counter apologetics is really important. And I think there is some small place for that. So let me explain. On the one hand, I'm diametrically opposed to the debate culture and the hostility. And in particular, I'm against treating believers as if they are stupid, because they believe my straightforward explanation for why I think that is that I am the same person I was when I was a believer as I am now. So to whatever extent I was intelligent, then I'm intelligent now or vice versa. And I was totally in 100%. And now I'm 100% out, I'm much more convinced that the community belonging happens first. And the beliefs come along afterwards. And that any one of any intelligence can fall into an organization or an ideology that from an objective point of view is untrue. And in fact, my understanding is that there's lots of research that would suggest that more intelligent people are better able to do so because they can rationalize and justify with more sophisticated reasoning than someone with slightly less intelligence. So it's actually the most dangerous thing you can do is say, I'm impervious to bad ideas, or cults or bad ideology. So my work is definitely not anti theism. And I have a blog post that says why I'm not an anti theist. And the primary reasons for that are I don't think people come to faith, nor do they leave faith purely for rational, intellectual reasons. That is a major factor that was a major factor in my deconversion. I generally speak about it primarily in intellectual terms. But it was a multifaceted process that included my intellect included, my intuition included, my emotions included my relationships and experiences. And it was a whole person who went through that process, not just a Vulcan rationalist. And so I think the pure focus on what I'll call hyper rationalism, or hyper rationalist, counter apologetics is noise in the vacuum. I ultimately think that apologetics itself is bad for believers. And so therefore, I also think counter apologetics is bad for all everyone involved. So the debate culture is the thing I was trying to be different from, because everybody in our uncle is doing that on YouTube and podcasts. At the end of the day, whether you think there's a role for anti theists or not, that area is definitely covered. And I don't think any more of us need to do that.

So if I were hard pressed, I would have to say that if it is done carefully, kindly and graciously, that some counter apologetics, which could be construed as anti theistic, are a good and okay, and probably necessary, but that for the vast majority of us just actually caring about people actually having a relationship with believers and showing them that we have morality and joy and gratitude and an ethical framework outside of Christianity, that's going to do more to break down their stereotypes and to make them think, then coming at them for why Pascal's wager is no good. In other words, I think love conquers over arguments. And secular grace is about loving people, including the believers in our lives. Judah, thank you for questioning me, and I want to make clear, explicitly stated on Mike, that I want constructive criticism, I want people to push on the ideas that I'm putting out there. There is nothing that cannot be criticized that I have to say, I imagine there will be large swathes of you who disagree with me on a number of points. And that's fantastic. I'm sliding into a slightly different topic here. But I want to point out that I am a pluralist. That's actually what secularism is it is about pluralism that no one ideology or person or group or organization has a law Knock on the truth, including me, and especially me. So that we are all working together to figure out a closer approximation to the truth. So please keep the constructive criticism coming. And to put my money where my mouth is, when I first started the podcast I explicitly had in mind that Christians could come on the program and criticize my humanism, or my atheism, not very many have truly taken that opportunity. But I'm saying it here. If you are a believer, and you have some constructive criticism, or want to actually dialogue, and again, I point out the difference between debate and what I call an honesty contest. But that door is open, you can reach me at graceful atheist@gmail.com.

Emily  26:06  
Hi, David, this is Emily. Lately, I've been finding it a little hard to stay positive given that this pandemic is stretching into almost two years now. And the news from around the world can just be a bit depressing. And I was wondering, what gives you hope, when you're feeling down about the general state of the world? Thanks,

David Ames  26:25  
Emily, thank you so much for the question. I wish I had a much better answer for this an answer that would make everyone have more hope in the world that we live in. But I want to be somewhat realistic as well. Also, I'm going to talk about gratitude in a another listeners question a little bit later. So gratitude is definitely a part of what keeps me grounded. So we'll talk about that in a different listener question. I think the main point I'd want to bring about is to think locally, we as human beings, we are super easily overwhelmed by things that we can't control. We have very little control over international politics, or even US politics, we have very little control over this pandemic. And when we feel out of control, we can start to lose hope. The truth is, we've never been in control of those things to begin with. And so we really haven't lost anything. But particularly as D converts, we can feel that loss of control, because we no longer have prayer to turn to. And that loss of a sense of something to do, can be really difficult to manage. This idea of thinking locally is about the things that you can change things you do have control over. I think one of the most insidious parts of the pandemic has been that the very thing that we need as human beings in the time of crisis, and the time of the pandemic, is to be with each other. And that's the very thing that causes the spread of the COVID 19 disease. And so we have to be very careful about selecting our pod of people that we are with. But I do encourage you to do that. Make sure that you have other human beings to be around that you know that they are vaccinated, and you're vaccinated, and it's a reasonable risk level for everyone involved to get together. I'd also say be proactive in connecting with people over zoom or any other digital communication mechanism. They are definitely a distant second to being physically in the room with somebody but it is better than nothing. So if you have a friend or loved one who lives far away, or where it would be an unreasonable risk to go visit that person, make sure that you're the one reaching out to say hi, hey, I need to talk I need to vent I need to connect with you because I love you and I miss you. Basically being proactive about our human connections, I think will help us to be hopeful as well. The pandemic in particular has been one of waves every time we think that things are getting better. In this case, we have a new variant. So we had delta and now we have Omicron. And that can be really challenging, but remembering that this too will pass. sounds trite. But you know, we know from the 1918 flu pandemic, we will get through this. It may take longer than all of us hoped for but it will eventually end and we will go back to some form of normalcy where we're able to connect with each other on a normal basis. In regards to the politics of the day, certainly within my lifetime, this feels like the most polarized and angry that we are at one another I for sure for myself feel more anger on political issues today and Since 2016, than I ever have in my life, I think the really important thing to try to remember and this is hard, and I'm speaking to myself more than, than the listeners here is to remember that these are human beings to that people that we are opposed to, even diametrically opposed to, it's super easy to fall into the trap of thinking that they are evil, that they're wrong. And they're terrible human beings. Rather than recognizing that they are human, they have had a set of experiences and a set of cultural influences that have led them to come to conclusions that I disagree with or that you disagree with. But recognizing their humanity, we might be able to build a bridge and have some communication. And you might be the person who changes their mind on something, rather than coming in hot and telling them you're wrong. You're stupid, you're evil, trying to understand why did you come to that conclusion? All of this to say that when we recognize these intractable problems, or really human problems, there's some hope there, right? People can change their minds, it is in fact possible. And you might have an influence on the people around you. I hate to be a broken record. But you know, why do I have hope? Because I believe in secular grace, I believe in people. If there's one thing that theistic religion and Christianity specifically do well, it is giving people a sense of hope. I think that hope is built on an untruth, that there is a divine entity who is in sovereign control of the universe. But there are some fictions that are helpful to human being. So having hope, in believing in people is what I do now. People can do atrocious things, I know that in reality, but to quote Joss Whedon against all evidence, I believe in people, and that gives me hope. We've seen how people can do the wrong thing. But people can also do beautiful loving and kind things. And let's be those people in the world. Let's seek out those people to be connected to. And let's try to influence others to do the same. I hope that was at least moderately hopeful, Emily, but thank you for the question.

Rick, and Mark asked a couple of questions in email. I thank Rick and mark for listening to the podcast and for emailing me this question. I did say ask me anything. So this is one I have had did not anticipate. They ask, Do I have a health care directive? And if I understand their email correctly, that's specifically about if I was unable to decide or speak for myself, would I object to prayers, religious ceremonies, or the reading of sacred texts and religious discussions? And I hate to disappoint you, Rick and mark, but no, I don't. And to be totally honest with you, I don't think I would. And I'll explain why. Constantly in my life, I don't know about yours. I have family and occasionally a friend who will say, I'm praying for you. And I could be mad at that I could bristle and be uncomfortable with that. But generally, what I say to that is Thank you. Because what I hear them saying is I care about you. And I'm thinking about you. Do I think prayer does anything? Absolutely not. But maybe it makes that person more concerned about me, maybe that person will take some action that would be helpful for me in the future. And so I just find that as an expression of their care for me. Likewise, both my previous pastoral experience and my being old and having lived through the loss of a number of loved ones, I found that funerals are for the living, they are not for the debt. So I have specifically said to my girls, that whatever makes them feel better. Whatever helps them to grieve is what they should do. I don't have any particular requests for my let's say, funeral. Just in case you also meant Do Not Resuscitate directive that I would consider that is something that I don't currently have. But it's something that I would consider in that if I truly were in a position where say my vital organs could be donated in a way and there was no hope of brain recovery. I would be willing to do that. But specifically in regards to denying the religious aspect of how Oh, my either hospital stay or funeral would be handled is really again, in my mind for the living or for the bereaved. And I don't care. Because it doesn't make any difference. It doesn't change anything. And it's just not a thing that I am terribly concerned with. So if you are concerned about that absolutely have that directive. And it sounds like maybe having those conversations with your family would be important as well. Rick and Mark, thank you so much for the question.

Jimmy  35:41  
Hey, David, Jimmy here. I have a question about gratitude. Why is it okay to be grateful without being grateful to someone? I know you've mentioned, we don't need to be grateful to someone or something. And I know that that's essentially how I practice anyway. But the question occasionally bugs me.

David Ames  36:01  
Jimmy, thank you so much for this question. Knowing you, I don't know that my answer will be satisfying, because I'm certain that you have already spent hours thinking about this from every possible direction. I'm just going to say that I think gratitude and specifically a practice of gratitude is incredibly important. That was maybe given to us for free in a theistic religion and Christianity. But recognizing that we have people and things to be grateful for, just that alone can give us some hope to refer back to Emily's question. I'm sure I'm repeating myself here. But something from the 12 steps from when I was 16 years old, has always stuck with me. And that is being grateful for the small things. And what that means is, it can be difficult to be grateful for big conceptual ideas like world peace, or the economy or climate or something that it just is bigger than ourselves. And it is a focus on the small and local. And my favorite example of this is I love to have a bunch of pillows, I have multiple pillows on my bed. And every time I go to bed at night, I squeezed into those pillows, and I think I am so grateful for these pillows, and it is such an absurdly small thing. And yet, I derive a tremendous amount of gratitude from that small thing. So find the small things that generate huge amounts of gratitude in you and be conscious of them. To the heart of your question, and even the way you phrased it, is it okay? Not to be grateful to to someone, I will refer back to my conversation with bryce Bryce was my friend who was an atheist when I was deep in my Christianity, and I was having a conversation with him about how grateful I was for my children. But I was trying to explain to him at the time, I was grateful to God for that. And now here I am on the other side of the fence. And I've learned that gratitude is both an experience that happens to us. And, as I mentioned, a practice that we can work out in our lives and discipline that we can have in our lives. And I generally say it this way, that the objects of my gratitude are both, too, and for the people in my life. So my wife, my two daughters, my family, my friends, including you, Jimmy, that I'm both thankful for. And to those people. I think what's so difficult for us as the converts is we were ingrained with this idea that if anything good happens to us, it's to the glory of God, and we should be grateful. And if anything bad happens, it was probably our fault. And that is the vicious cycle that we need to get out of, and having a practice of gratitude for very practical, real things. And being grateful to and for the people in our lives is a way of overcoming that limitation. Again, Jimmy, knowing you I am sure you've already thought of these things. And it's probably wasn't a terribly satisfying answer. But I hope it gives you a sense of gratitude in your life as well. Thanks for the question.

How did you inform your kids if you're changing views out of there, take it. Lars, thank you for the question. I'm not sure this will be very satisfying answer because one of the first conversations I had with my wife after I told her she said she wanted to be the one to tell my girls and I let her do that. But almost immediately afterwards, I was just very matter of fact with them. I'm an atheist. The thing I really made explicitly clear to them was that I loved them no matter what they believed that I would encourage them to explore their spirituality that I would back them up to go to church, I would drive them to church, I would buy Bibles for them, I would do whatever I could to support their spiritual growth. And I made that super, super clear. And then I've said this on the podcast before, but as they got older, I was explicit with them as well that I didn't want to teach them what to think or believe, but how to think. And one of the practices of that was critical thinking in non religious areas. So we would be watching TV and an advertisement would come on. And we kind of jokingly deconstruct the advertisement for what was the real message, what was being sold, what lies were being told that kind of thing, and it kind of became a family game. And so we practice critical thinking in all of these other areas that are less emotionally fraught. And as my girls have gotten older, we've had much more direct conversations. And I think they have had their own faith transitions, not necessarily to atheism, but they're definitely not where they were when they were younger. I'm not going to speak for them. I'm not going to say more than that. So again, that's not a terribly interesting story. But that is how I tell my girls.

Another interview that I did was with Matt Oxley, that episode also will be coming out in January. And Matt has a really interesting place in the spectrum of the work of deconversion. And deconstruction, Matt is really on the side of being there for the Christian, the believer, in the middle of the process, or very, very early on in the process, he does a really good job of speaking that language so that he can be listened to at all in a way that I think even the title graceful atheists would push people away. I'm aware of that. And I find it fascinating the work that Matt is doing. If you just took a surface view of Matt's work, you could be confused into thinking that he's still a believer, and he is not. But again, he speaks that language so well, that that could be unclear. And in some ways, he's almost referring to himself as a Christian, or at least walking out the teachings of Jesus. So the question that we discussed and I'd like to expand upon here is, is Christianity redeemable? And I think this is important topic, because each of us has to ask the question, should we be a progressive Christian? I think most of my audience is done with fundamentalist Christianity. But why aren't we progressive Christians? Why aren't we able to just live in the metaphor and continue to enjoy the community and the ritual aspects of Christianity? In some ways, I'm probably the wrong person to ask this question, because I feel like I really skipped past any concept of spirituality here. I mean, the supernatural kind, almost instantaneously, I had deconstructed Christianity. And the moment I admitted to myself that I no longer believe that a God existed. It's like I came crashing down to earth. And my epistemology is science. What we can test and what we can validate with data and criticism and what stands up to scrutiny is true, and what doesn't, isn't. And of course, there's a ton of philosophical questions that don't fall into that category. And I love philosophy, and I love debating those things. But I understand the difference between a philosophical discussion and a scientific one. And I like to use the terms true for things that actually have stood this test of criticism over a long periods of time. I digress. The question is, is Christianity redeemable? I said to Matt, and I've said other times that the most dangerous word in the English language is God. And the reason for that is that let's say you are a progressive Christian, and you don't believe in a transcendent, a supernatural being. But you use God as a metaphor. You say that as a communicator, and everyone who hears the word God will enter Corporate that the way that they understand God. Ironically, I think the 12 steps has this nailed down that God as you understand him, or everyone has their own conception, and there is no way to refer to the metaphor without bringing in 1000s upon 1000s upon 1000s of interpretations of God, so that the progressive Christian can say, God is the ground of all being and God is love. But the evangelical fundamentalist, here's the theistic God who judges people and sends them to hell. And there's no way as a communicator to disambiguate that if using that term, my opinion is that Christianity is similar, that the word Christianity, I've had Christians on who asked me, Are you sure you're not a Christian? Because I'm trying to walk out secular grace? And obviously, that has roots in Christianity? My answer is definitively No. I am not trying to be a Christian, I'm not trying to redeem or change Christianity. And here's the thing, Christianity has been tried, in more ways than can be counted with just the major parts of the Christian tree, Catholicism, orthodoxy, and Protestantism, and then a myriad of particular sects of Christianity within, particularly Protestantism. Half of those have always wanted to go back and really implement what Jesus had to say, to really be the followers of Jesus in the modern world. The problem is that Jesus had some great things to say he had some wise things to say. But the Bible and the New Testament are just full of cultural specifics. Once you take all the time to separate the cultural specifics from the Supra cultural elements, you wind up with a very, very small, ethical framework, be good to one another. That's about it. My point is that trying to do Christianity is unlikely to succeed without becoming just one more of the 1000s of denominations of Christianity. I'm trying actually to say that grace is a human concept. All religions are human concepts. But But my point is that grace itself is a human concept. And loving people is a human concept. And the great wisdom literature throughout history includes that, because we're all human. And we all need to be loved, we have a need to be loved and accepted. And families, relationships, communities work better, when we explicitly try to love one another. So that is a universal concept that is embedded in virtually every world religion. And I'm not adding anything new here, calling it secular Grace, I'm just delineating that there is no need for a supernatural element to act out grace. So I call it secular grace. And that is to distinguish it from the Christian conception of grace, which, as we talked about earlier, has a very dark side, in that it can forgive atrocities, which is not the point of secular grace. I want to make clear that I love what Matt is doing. And for those of you who are still believers, those of you who maybe have de converted, but you're still able to speak that language and you're close to believers, please continue to do so. I'm a pluralist. I think it takes all of us to do the things that we can do. In some ways, the work that I'm doing is pulling the secular community towards the humanity. I'm trying to put the humanity into humanism. And so in some ways, I'm pulling from that direction. And if other people like Matt Oxley people like Derrick Webb, who are pulling from the other direction, pulling Christians towards a secular grace, that's fantastic. We're all doing the best that we can. And that is really, really important. Thank you to Matt Oxley for bringing up the subject at all for doing the work that he does and for challenging me on this particular area

our community manager Arlene wrote in a few questions. She asks, what do you do for fun? And what are you passionate about? You've already heard me talk about running. Running is an identity. For me, I have run about 1200 miles every year for the last five or six years and lots more before that. It is the most important thing to my mental and physical health I can think of I feel incredibly grateful that the thing I enjoy doing is also physically healthy for me and mentally healthy for me. I used to race marathons, half marathons, things like that, I tend not to these days, I just enjoy running. In fact, I often say that running supports my podcast addiction. So my next thing that I'm passionate about is podcasts. I've listened to a ton of podcasts, I tend to listen to science and philosophy and politics, when I'm not listening to deconversion specific things. I am passionate about doing the graceful atheist podcast obviously, or I wouldn't do it. So I really enjoy that as well. I enjoy indoor rock climbing with my daughters, both daughters at different times in their lives have been interested in that. I'm not great at it. I love doing it. I think it's fantastic. And then what will be abundantly obvious to everyone is I'm a super nerd. So I really love science fiction, particularly movies and books. I consume a lot of science fiction and various media. I think really good science fiction really tells us more about what it's like to be a human being than it does about lasers and spaceships. And so I really like thinkI nerdy sci fi, so I'm super passionate about that. And I enjoy that. And lastly, Arlene asks, is there anything that you used to do that you'd like to do again, and I'm not sure if you meant this for the Christian point of view, but I'm gonna use an example of that. So I used to do a lot of public speaking, and I generally don't do so anymore. Occasionally at work, I do demonstrations, things like that. I've done a few like workshops, training people on a particular technology. But I'd like to do some speaking again, when we had Amy Rath, on from nonlife. She really inspired me to do like the lightning talk kind of concept. And as soon as we're done with COVID, I'd really like to do that again, I think. Whereas on a podcast, I can ramble like I am right now, in a presentation in front of people, you have to be a little bit crisper in your writing. And that would give me the inspiration to do that. Thank you, Arlene, those were great questions. Thank you so much for asking.

The last two questions are questions that I asked myself as I am doing the podcast. The first question is, is this religious? Or another way of asking it is, is humanism a religion. And for many of you, you may be screaming no at the top of your lungs, as you listen to this. And for many of us, leaving our religious traditions meant that we'd never wanted to have anything to do with the term religion ever, ever again. And there certainly within the secular community, a very, very strong, anti religious attitude. My perspective on this is a bit nuanced. So please do listen to the whole context of what I have to say here. I certainly think I would have fallen into that category of running away from religion in the early days of my deconversion. What I think I have learned since then, is the human needs to connect with one another. And to have a shared sense of meaning and purpose. I had Anthony pin on which was a great episode, I encourage you to go check that out. And he makes a very strong distinction between theism, which is a belief in a supernatural deity and religion, which he defines as the collective search for truth. I love that definition of religion. And here's another important point. James Croft recently said this on Twitter, but it's, I think, a common concept. Everything is secular. All religions are secular. All of it comes from humans. yanks, it is mundane it is religion may be the most human cultural artifact of anything. It is our drive to connect with each other and try to figure out how do we live in a chaotic universe? How do we live with each other, without killing each other? And how do we avoid falling into a nihilistic dark, deep pit of despair. All of those are human needs. And the scary word religion is a good way of accomplishing those. We've talked about secular Grace quite a bit in this episode, and I will refer you to my original blog post on the topic. I said there that the ABCs of secular quote, unquote, spirituality are all something that is a deeply human experience that has nothing to do with a supernatural realm. We can experience all in nature, we can experience all at one another, we can experience all at a talented athlete we experience or day in and day out. It is the context of our Christian indoctrination, or training or discipleship or what have you, that we interpret or to be a supernatural, theistic God. And as soon as you let go of that, you can not only enjoy awesome experiences, you can seek them out. I happen to like indoor rock climbing, and part of it is that I'm scared of heights. And I enjoy the experience of overcoming my fear of heights. It is an awesome experience. So the first ABC is is all. The second is belonging. And here, I mean, the collective belonging. This seems so obvious, in that the cultural context of the day, we have identities in our belonging, the most obvious one in the secular world is political identity. We are more polarized now than it feels like in my lifetime, although people like Ezra Klein point out that maybe earlier in my lifetime was the exception to the rule, and the polarization we're experiencing now as probably the norm or the reversion to the mean. But even within the secular community, there are divisions that you may not be aware of. But what I see as the basic humanism, of caring for people and fighting for human rights, and the freedoms and rights of people who have been historically disparaged in one way or another, and held down systemically, that seems like basic humanism, one on one to me, but there's a division within the secular community that is anti social justice warrior or anti woke, or any number of ways of describing that, that I'm on one side of that polarization, and I can't help it that is important to me. We belong to and have identity within groups. We are the D converted, we are the deconstructed, or the deconstructing, and that is an identity. Some of us identify as acts of angelical. If you're in the LGBT community, that is probably a major part of your identity. People even obsessively identify with a sports team, I have a few teams that I follow, and it cracks me up at how intensely I can identify with that group. The point is, we need to belong to one another. The thing that is important is finding healthy groups to belong to, I think what we're doing with deconversion anonymous, as a community is a healthy way of belonging to a group. And we should seek those out. The big thing that we lost as we left, our original faith tradition, is community having a sense of these are my people. And we need to go find who are your people? Who are my people? The obvious answer is that you are my people. The people listening to this now are my people. But it can be more than that. You can go be a part of a book club or a cycling group or a running club or the knitting circle or what have you something anything that you can be among other people who have a shared common goal with you And the final ABCs, of secular spirituality is connection. And this is the one on one human connection, this is your best friend, this is your significant other with whom you have spent significant amounts of time building trust. Again, as, as we talked about earlier, this is not just some random stranger off the street. This is someone that mutual trust and respect has built up over time. That connection of being vulnerable with another human being is profound. When you were going through puberty, probably talking about what was happening to you to your best friend was really cathartic. Admitting to your first crush, to a best friend was probably really, really cathartic. When you first told someone that you were having doubts, and if they handled it, well, that was probably really, really cathartic. The first time you say, I no longer believe to someone is incredibly cathartic. This is connection, that human connection. And we are hard wired to need this, to want it to seek it out. And we should, we should do so with eyes wide, open and critically and carefully. And we should proactively attempt to connect with one another. All of this is what I'm attempting to describe as secular grace, these ABCs of secular spirituality. Back to the question, is this religious? And I'm going to say yes, given the context of defining religion as the collective search for meaning, and what I've learned from people like Sasha Sagan, who wrote for small creatures, such as we, and much of what is in Carl Sagan is writings as well. And Catherine cosmonauts, Grace without God, not only do we need the community, the belonging, the connection, we also need ritual, like we talked about in the holiday episode about establishing new traditions, we are hardwired to need to call out major moments in our lives and physically enact a ritual to commemorate those moments in our lives. Sasha seconds book talks about birth, the Age of Reason, marriage, death, graduations, all of these things are moments in our life, where they are significant events, and we want and need to share those with each other. So given that as a definition of religion, yes, I think humanism is a religion. And yes, I think what we're doing with the community is religious. And that's okay.

If you find yourself screaming and running away as fast as you can right now, I hope to keep you I hope you understand the full context of what I'm saying. I am not saying something transcendent, supernatural, beyond nature, is occurring in any way. I am saying that all religions are human. And this is just another expression of that. I'm also not saying that everyone should be a humanist. Again, I'm a pluralist, I think we as a society, need to allow differing points of views, including points of views that we are diametrically opposed to. They should all be open to criticism, public criticism, and we should work out what is the most effective for us, as a society. I think that secular Grace has a role in the market of ideas and market of ethical frameworks. And I want to express that in the public forum. But I am open to criticism. And I understand that not everyone will find this meaningful or useful. And in fact, when I had Bart Campolo on the podcast, he basically was saying, not everyone cares about what I call the ABCs of spirituality that they don't care about spirituality at all. And some of you might find even me saying that this is religious to be offensive. And again, just ignore me on that topic, and I hope you'll continue to listen the The second question that I asked myself that I think is really important, is related to the first. And this is more personal. I'm going to ask the question, and please don't stop listening. I'll set the context. I asked myself, am I creating a cult? The obvious answer is no. But I think it's important for me to worry about that question. If you have ever been in pastoral work, or leadership in a church, if you've been a worship leader, or if you have your own podcast, or a YouTube channel, the experience of this modicum of fame and I am very realistic about how small how small this fame is, but is intoxicating. There's just no getting around it as a pastor, and when I was younger, in my 20s, and now as a podcaster, and someone who is attempting to express humanism, express secular grace, I am acutely aware of the intoxicating nature of having fans. Here's the thing. I rarely hear criticism, I mostly hear the very good things about the podcast, I get so many emails of people who say, I found your podcasts, I'm in the middle of deconstruction. It's a lifesaver. And of course, that's hyperbolic they, they'd be okay with that without the podcast. But that's why I do what I do is, I want people to know that they are not alone, that all of us have gone through this before them. And we can hold their hand through the process. But again, that has a pretty profound impact on a person and they can start to hear my voice as being authoritative. And that terrifies me. I want to have people challenge me constructive criticism, asking for clarity for me. In other words, I don't want it to be like it was as a pastor in the Christian church where a pastor often can get away with being unaccountable. I don't mean this in the Christian accountability sense, either. But what I mean is that I expect to be wrong, I expect to get it wrong. Often, I expect to say the wrong thing to do the wrong thing to maybe even hurt people, which would, would be the thing that would hurt me the most. And I need to know when I'm doing that, because I wouldn't do it if I were aware, aware of it. So this is just an open invitation for you to reach out to me, you can do so via email, graceful atheist@gmail.com You can DM me if you need to. But anything where you think I could learn from something, and I could grow as someone who is attempting to lead in this area of secular grace, feel free to do so. And I will take it with as much humility and self criticism as I can muster. So am I starting a cult? definitively not. I am acutely aware of the ability to fall into a cult of personality. In my discussions with our lane, about the community deconversion anonymous, I was very explicit about this is not about me, this is about people coming together and connecting with one another and practicing secular grace, caring for one another. I would just be a bottleneck. So not only do I not want it to be a cult of personality, I don't want to be the block for people to connect with each other. So all of this to say not only do I not want this to be a cult or a cult of personality, I want you to actively participate in making sure that it is not. Well this wraps it up for the first ask me anything and wraps this up for 2021. I definitely want to do more asked me any things in the future. So in the meantime, If you think of a question you want to have me pontificate upon. Or if you have a criticism that you'd like to hear me respond to, please send a recorded version of your question. You can do so on an app on your phone, or you could use anchor.fm to create a voice message for me. As 2021 wraps up, I definitely want to thank everybody who has participated in the deconversion anonymous community, I'm amazed at how that has exploded. I feel bad that I took so long to try to start it. I should have started it in 2020. But I want to also thank our lien so much for managing the community, as well as doing copy editing and just generally being incredibly helpful. I want to thank Mike T for editing we did 40 some odd episodes and 2021. That was a lot of work that Mike did. All of that was volunteer. Thank you so much, Mike, for all the work that you did. Thank you to Logan Thomas for redoing our graphic design, the logo and various images that we're using. And I'll do this as a plug again, I'm so much more interested in people participating in the podcast and the community in one way or another rather than, say giving money. So if there's a way in which you can participate, you have experience with PR, social media editing, Production Music, if you want to help Arlene with community management, all those things, we are looking for people to jump in. And in reality, as I've already admitted the religiosity, the Church provided a place for people to use their talents. I want a secular version of that to find where people can exercise the things they enjoy doing, the hobbies, their talents, and things of that nature. So we'd love to be the place where you can use your talents and gifts. So please reach out with that, and until January. My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist join me and be graceful.

Time for the footnotes. The beat is called waves for MCI beats, links will be in the show notes. If you'd like to support the podcast, you can promote it on your social media. You can subscribe to it in your favorite podcast application. And you can rate and review it on pod chaser.com. You can also support the podcast by clicking on the affiliate links for books on Bristol atheists.com. If you have podcast production experience and you would like to participate, podcast, please get in touch with me. Have you gone through a faith transition? And do you need to tell your story? Reach out? If you are a creator, or work in the deconstruction deconversion or secular humanism spaces, and you'd like to be on the podcast? Just ask. If you'd like to financially support the podcast there's links in the show notes. To find me you can google graceful atheist. You can google deconversion you can google secular race. You can send me an email graceful atheist@gmail.com or you can check out the website graceful atheists.com My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist join me and be graceful human beings

this has been the graceful atheist podcast

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

2021 Holiday Special

Deconstruction, Deconversion, ExVangelical, Podcast, Secular Community, Secular Grace, secular grief, Secular Humanist Graces
Photo by Thomas Bormans on Unsplash
Photo by Thomas Bormans on Unsplash
Click to play episode on anchor.fm
Listen on Apple Podcasts

The Holidays: The Big White Elephant in the Room

When one has deconverted, the holidays may look completely different, reexamining everything from family traditions to singing carols to dealing with those extended family members. On today’s episode, two returning guests, Arline and Lars and a new guest, Carlene, share how the holidays have and haven’t changed since deconversion. 

Lars and Arline go into what it’s like to be an unbelieving parent during the holidays, navigating the mythologies of Santa and Jesus. Children ask genuine questions, and they expect genuine answers.

The group discusses what they have not given up, among other things, singing Christmas carols. Carols are different than singing religious songs at church, more cultural than sacred. For some, however, it takes a little self-discipline to sing along without critiquing the lyrics. 

The guests also examine what they have thrown in the trash bin completely, including, but not limited to, the phrase “Merry Christmas” and all those nativity scenes. 

Being thankful of the time spent with extended family can be challenging, regardless of religious beliefs. Each person shares how they’re finding their own unique ways of appreciating time with family. Religion does not own the rights to giving thanks. 

Lastly, Carlene, David, Lars and Arline consider some new traditions they’ve started or would like to start. Nature is the easiest place to experience awe and wonder, and everyone discussed ways to be in nature more this winter. Also, creating new traditions can be awkward and may not always turn out quite like we hope.

It is a lovely conversation, full of hope and lots of humor. 

“…It’s scary and new, and that might actually be the best part because your life is in many ways new again…you get to experience so many things for the first time with a new mindset, and this will hopefully enrich your life going forward…”

Lars

Book Recommendations

#PaidLinks

Interact

Send in a recorded AMA question
https://anchor.fm/gracefulatheist/message

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Photo by Thomas Bormans on Unsplash

Movie Review: The Truman Show

Atheism, Comedy, Deconversion, Movie Review, Podcast, Purity Culture, Secular Grace, The Bubble
Listen on Apple Podcasts

“Good afternoon. Good evening. And good night.”

Truman Burbank

This week’s episode is a compelling discussion between David and past podcast guests Jimmy and Colin. They take a deep dive into how The Truman Show mirrors the long, painful journey of deconstruction—realizing the story you’ve been told isn’t quite what it seems, pushing back little by little, and then sometimes leaving completely, walking out the door and into the darkness.

“You never had a camera in my head.”

They consider it all:

  • The induced trauma and fears
  • Infantilization
  • The constant gaslighting
  • The creation and controlling of relationships
  • And the lies–a completely fabricated life.

All done to “love him, protect him.”

“He wanted what was real more than was presented to him.”

Jimmy

They each bring their own stories to the table, stories of courage and uncertainty and a desire for truth, stories that resonate with many people. Like Truman, we can lean in when what we’ve believed no longer lines up with what we’re experiencing. We can be curious, ask questions and see where that journey takes us.

“It is a painful process, and it is scary. But also there’s more on the other side that is very fulfilling.”

Colin

Where to stream The Truman Show
https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/the-truman-show

Interact

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Monique: Deconversion Anonymous

Autonomy, Deconstruction, Deconversion, Deconversion Anonymous, LGBTQ+, Podcast, Purity Culture, Religious Abuse, Secular Grace, Unequally yoked
Listen on Apple Podcasts

This week’s show is a Deconversion Anonymous episode.

My guest this week is Monique. Monique grew up a cultural Christian until the family of her boyfriend “made it known they were Southern Baptists.” She married that boyfriend and had kids. He became abusive. First psychologically, then spiritually and eventually physically. He gaslit her, told her she was not worthy and that she was not following god, and called her purity culture epithets we won’t recount here.

How dare I question him [ex-husband], how dare I question god.

After years of isolation and spiritual abuse, Monique left after executing a cloak and dagger level plan to serve divorce papers and a restraining order simultaneously. Eventually, her kids were taken from her as he had lawyers and she did not. She was estranged from them for years.

Monique went through a deconstruction and deconversion that began to give her some peace. Her youngest son reached out to her to tell her he is gay. She opened up her arms and showed grace, love and respect. She and her daughter attempted to reunite but this was ruined when the daughter took offence to a passing joke about prayer.

I am not going to conform.
I will not conform to meet someone else’s standards.
I am who I am.

Today, Monique is free and loves learning true things. Her and her new husband (who happens to be a believer) have respect and love for each other. Monique is telling her story to give hope to others so they may know they are not alone.

You are not alone. I am here. I am may not be able to help you, but I am here with you.

Interact

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Book Review: Scout Mindset with Jimmy

Atheism, Book Review, Deconversion, Philosophy, Podcast, Secular Grace

Listen on Apple Podcasts

The tricky thing about motivated reasoning is that even though it’s easy to spot in other people, it doesn’t feel like motivated reasoning from the inside.

Julia Galef

My returning guest this week is Jimmy. Jimmy and I review Julia Galef’s book Scout Mindset: Why Some People See Things Clearly and Others Don’t. We explore the book from two lenses: Deconversion and Secular Grace. Jimmy brings an intense focus on humility, self-honesty and truth seeking to the conversation. The perfect complement to Julia’s book.

The best description of motivated reasoning I’ve ever seen comes from psychologist Tom Gilovich. When we want something to be true, he said, we ask ourselves, “Can I believe this?,” searching for an excuse to accept it. When we don’t want something to be true, we instead ask ourselves, “Must I believe this?,” searching for an excuse to reject it.

In contrast to directionally motivated reasoning, which evaluates ideas through the lenses of “Can I believe it?” and “Must I believe it?,” accuracy motivated reasoning evaluates ideas through the lens of “Is it true?”

Julia Galef

Links

Jimmy’s first appearance on the podcast
https://gracefulatheist.com/2020/09/20/jimmy-deconversion-anonymous/

Scout Mindset: Why Some People See Things Clearly and Others Don’t
https://amzn.to/3nFCKd9

Why Buddhism is True
https://amzn.to/3nGnXyM

Humanist Ten Commitments
https://americanhumanistcenterforeducation.org/ten-commitments

Daryl Davis, who attends KKK rallies and has helped many leave:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Davis

Books mentioned in the podcast

Interact

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Sara: Deconversion Anonymous

Agnosticism, Atheism, Bloggers, Deconversion, ExVangelical, Humanism, Podcast, Secular Grace
Click to play episode on anchor.fm
Listen on Apple Podcasts

This week’s show is a Deconversion Anonymous episode.

When I lost my faith, it felt like I lost my voice, too. I am a musician from a home of musicians.

My guest this week is Sara. Sara is “a musician from a home of musicians.” She grew up in an Assemblies of God church in a “vibrantly faithful home.” She spent her teen years in a “cool” Southern Baptist Church. She then spent some time in Acts 29 churches and Reformed theology. To round things out she attended a Presbyterian (PCA) church.

Sara started having doubts in college, but she was able to ignore them for some time. They eventually wore her down. Parenthood was the last straw. She realized she loved her son more than God loved anyone. God’s “hiddenness” was neglect that any parent could recognize.

They needed my free labor and I needed to be needed.

I was used to being needed.

Sara had been a worship leader. This usefulness kept her in the church longer than she would have otherwise. It also contributed to her deconversion as she saw what church was like “back stage.”

They said my voice was “clearly anointed by the Holy Spirit.” I went away thinking “no, I just spent four years and $60,000 learning how to manipulate you with it.”

Now Sara writes on her blog, Former Protagonist, about her deconversion experience. She is also exploring Humanism and loving her family.

Links

Former Protagonist Blog
https://formerprotagonist.blogspot.com/

Interact

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Eli: Transition and Deconstruction

Adverse Religious Experiences, Autonomy, Deconstruction, ExVangelical, LGBTQ+, Podcast, Religious Abuse, Secular Grace, secular grief
Click to play episode on anchor.fm
Listen on Apple Podcasts

My guest this week is Eli Fuhrmler-Wheeler. Eli grew up going to Awanas at an Evangelical Free church. Eventually, he attended an Assemblies of God church and spoke in tongues. His parents forbade him from going to that church and “of course I felt they were keeping me from the gates of heaven and pulling me into hell.”

Eli’s childhood was traumatic in many ways. He experienced sexual abuse, neglect, his mom was very sick her whole life, her boyfriends were abusive, his father had an antisocial personality disorder, and he lived on and off in foster homes.

Eli sought the comfort of drugs and alcohol. He discovered he was a lesbian. He was told he was going to hell by his family.

As an adult he began a relationship with his now wife. At 30 he realized he was a man and began transition. Eli has faced rejection by family and some friends. However, his gracefulness through it all has won some of them over.

[Rather than show grace, why not be angry at those who have not shown you grace?]
That wouldn’t teach anybody anything.
It wouldn’t teach me anything and it wouldn’t teach them anything.

Eli deconstructed from Christianity through the years. He has explored various world religions including Norse Heathenry and various mystic traditions.

Transition and therapy have given Eli the wholeness he deserves. Eli and his wife show unconditional love for one another. This is the relationship that Eli has experienced grace for himself.

Links

Secular Therapy
https://www.seculartherapy.org/

Religious Trauma Institute
https://www.religioustraumainstitute.com/

Interact

Thank you for nominating the podcast for the People’s Choice award in the Religion and Spirituality category
https://www.podcastawards.com/

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Thomas: Deconversion Anonymous

Atheism, Critique of Apologetics, Deconversion, Podcast, Religious Trauma, Secular Grace, secular grief
Listen on Apple Podcasts

This week’s show is a Deconversion Anonymous episode.

My guest this week is Thomas. Thomas is a Missionary Kid. He was very close to his mother who passed away in her 40s when he was in middle school.

There were all these other people there [his mom’s funeral] talking about her being in a better place, but I knew she was just gone.

There is nothing else.

Thomas went through real depression for years after losing his mother and losing his faith. We discuss the hardships of grieving a loved one without comforting beliefs. He went through bouts of self-medication including being immersed in the massively multi-player online game, World of Warcraft.

It all just seems like symbols for human metaphors and common experience.

Thomas went on to become a professional scientist. The meditative nature of running was helpful. He also discovered actual meditation gave him peace. A rich and varied diet of podcasts also helped him along the way. He says he now experiences real joy that was only promised to him as a Christian.

Thomas’ Recommendations

Akira the Don, created a genre of music called Meaningwave, lofi hip-hop with themed lecture content made musical. On Spotify and YouTube, with some songs having full visuals.


Interact

Nominate and Vote for the Graceful Atheist Podcast on the Podcast Awards
https://www.podcastawards.com/app/nominations

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Chris Highland: Friendly Freethinker

Authors, Bloggers, Deconversion, Humanism, Naturalism, Podcast, Secular Grace, Unequally yoked
Listen on Apple Podcasts

My guest this week is Chris Highland. Chris is an author of over a dozen books, he was a Protestant minister for 14 years and an Interfaith (collaborative, open-minded, inclusive) chaplain for 25 years. Currently a Humanist celebrant, he has a B.A. in Philosophy and Religion from Seattle Pacific University and an M.Div. from San Francisco Theological Seminary

The more I interact with freethinking humanists and atheists the more great opportunities I see for building connections rather than breaking them down.

My highest compliment to Chris is that he has been doing Secular Grace for most of his life.

A revival of goodness and graciousness!

Chris shares his love of nature and beauty. We discuss humanism, nature and loving believing spouses.

I am a follower of Beauty

Links

Friendly Freethinker Blog
https://chighland.com/

Clergy Project
https://clergyproject.org/

Why I am not an angry evangelical atheist
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/rationaldoubt/2019/02/why-im-not-an-angry-evangelical-atheist-part-1/

I’ve never felt “called” to be an “atheist evangelist”. I don’t feel the need to convert anyone to my viewpoint or use all the mocking memes out there to prove what a great apologist for atheism I can be.

Do we have to choose between aggressive religion and aggravated atheism?
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/rationaldoubt/2021/05/do-we-have-to-choose-between-aggressive-religion-and-aggravated-atheism/

I don’t see religion going away, so I think it’s much more productive to find ways of working with those faith communities who are open to it, and those seculars who are open to it, than complaining about them top score AAA points or RRR points.

Books

Interact

Deconversion
https://gracefulatheist.com/2017/12/03/deconversion-how-to/

Secular Grace
https://gracefulatheist.com/2016/10/21/secular-grace/

Support the podcast
Patreon https://www.patreon.com/gracefulatheist
Paypal: paypal.me/gracefulatheist

Podchaser - Graceful Atheist Podcast

Attribution

Additional music
Dakar Flow – Carmen María and Edu Espinal

“Waves” track written and produced by Makaih Beats

Transcript

NOTE: This transcript is AI produced (otter.ai) and likely has many mistakes. It is provided as rough guide to the audio conversation.

David Ames  0:11  
This is the graceful atheist podcast. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the graceful atheist podcast. My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. As usual, please consider rating and reviewing the podcast on pod chaser.com or the Apple podcast store and subscribe wherever you are listening. I want to thank my newest supporter Andy all the way from Switzerland. Thank you so much, Andy. Andy has inspired me to set up a PayPal account, as I've had a couple of people asked over the years to be able to give to the podcast but not on a recurring basis. If you are interested in doing that. You can send money through PayPal paypal.me/graceful atheist. As always, I'm more interested in people's participation. If there are things you can do for the podcast, I'm interested in that more. But if you want to support financially, I will leverage that to make the podcast better on an ongoing basis. Thank you to all of my supporters over the years it is much appreciated. Special thanks to Mike T for editing today's episode. On to today's episode, my guest today is Chris Highland. He is the author of over a dozen books. He was a Protestant minister for 14 years he was a interfaith chaplain for 25 years. He is now a humanist celebrant, he blogs he has been featured on the rational doubt blog that Linda Scola runs, and he is a part of the clergy project as well. He has been very kind to send me two books from faith to free thought a natural journey. And nature is enough essays for free thinkers. I tell the story in our conversation, but I became aware of Chris's work on the rational doubt blog a couple of years ago, and thought to myself, Man, I really need to talk to this guy. And just recently he reached out to me, he had become aware of the podcast. It's just one of those times where here's somebody who has been saying the same things for decades that I've been trying to formulate over the last couple of years. As I say in the episode, Chris is doing secular grace. So I'm very excited to give you my conversation with Chris Highland.

Chris Highland, welcome to the graceful atheist podcast.

Chris Highland  2:47  
Great to be here. Thank you,

David Ames  2:49  
Chris, trying to summarize your bone a few days is quite impossible. I was unaware of the fact that you've written multiple books, 12 books, it sounds like you're a prolific essayist, you've written for rational doubts blog, and the citizen times. You're a speaker and instructor. You're a former minister, chaplain for 25 years and you're currently a humanist celebrant does that almost cover all the things that you do

Chris Highland  3:14  
makes me so impressed with myself?

David Ames  3:19  
I had become aware of your work a couple of years ago caught one of your articles on a rational doubts blog. And I immediately thought, wow, this is, you know, somebody who I have a lot in common with. And so it's been amazing, you happen to reach out to me just recently with a recent article of yours that was kind of along the same lines of a bit of criticism for the atheist community, and more importantly, how we embrace the believers in our lives, how we actually go about doing good in the world, rather than just debating one another and arguing. My summary for this concept is secular grace is the word that I use. And really, I'm just describing my brand of humanism, but my highest compliment for you is that you've been doing secular grace for most of your life, and I'm trying to just trying to catch up. So we will spend most of our time talking about your work. But I'd like to hear first, you know, you were a minister for a number of years. So clearly a very dedicated Christian. And now you're a humanist celebrant and a part of the clergy project to talk to us about your your faith tradition, and what what led to some doubts, and what was that process like?

Chris Highland  4:31  
Well, yeah, thank you. That's a That's a loaded question and so many ways. I have tried to approach that description of the journey in many different ways over time, through writing and speaking and just a lot of thinking about and reflection, but it's it's kind of my own personal Exodus as I think of it, but at least it wasn't 40 years in the wilderness. Maybe it was a little bit actually. But yeah, I grew up in the Presbyterian Church in Seattle. And that was my upbringing and got involved in youth groups, from Baptists to evangelical to Pentecostal through the high school years and ended up going to an evangelical college. And the kind of the saving grace, so to speak. And that experience was that in this particular, evangelical college, there was a pretty good philosophy department, and good world religion teacher. So I took classes and really began to blow my mind expand my mind to way beyond Christian, beyond conservative Christian, realizing that there's a whole spectrum of beliefs out there, and it kind of set me going on a lifetime of, of discovery and investigation and what's out there. And and why should I ever think that my beliefs are any better than anybody else's? We're just a part of, I'm only a particle in the in the big ocean here. Yes. And then at my home church pastor in the Presbyterian Church to his, to his credit. In fact, I just recently reconnected with him. He's in his 80s now. And he encouraged me to go to the Seminary where he graduated from in the San Francisco Bay area. So I went down there, partially because it was Presbyterian, because that was my my roots, but also because of the graduate theological union and Berkeley that had, you know, very wide diverse faculty in different kinds of religious branches. So that was my, my ministry, education, my seminary education for the master's degree, but went on to find that the pastor of a church was just not going to fit me. And I kind of fell into chaplaincy, and that has shaped that shaped my my career, my vocation, whatever, whatever you want to call it for a long, long time. And what what made that really special for me and kind of blew my mind even even more, was that these were, these were interfaith chaplaincy. So even beyond ecumenical wasn't just Christian. It was Buddhist and, and Jewish, and Catholic, and Protestant, and Sufi, and a bunch of different kinds of flavors of faith. I kind of think of that as my, my seminary education after seminary, it was it was really getting in the trenches with with people who were mostly outcast, marginalized by by the church communities by all religious communities. And those were my that was my congregation for a whole long time.

David Ames  8:24  
Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the healthiest things that believers and non believers can do is, is have exposure to that interfaith community right to hear cultural diversity, religious diversity, the wisdom of various different traditions, and just just like you say, have the humility to recognize maybe I don't have all the answers,

Chris Highland  8:48  
yes. And their wisdom. Wisdom is wisdom. And truth is truth. I mean, it just it doesn't really matter where it comes from. And, you know, even back in that evangelical college, one course I took one of our books that we were our textbooks, I guess, was the title of it was all truth is God's truth. And I thought, huh, that's already kind of breaking the mold a bit. All truth is God's truth. And now I would say, well, all truth is truth.

David Ames  9:24  
Yeah, yeah.

Chris Highland  9:26  
It really does open the doors and windows and, you know, that's, that's what it's all about to me.

David Ames  9:33  
Yeah. I think one other point of similarity is I often say that my I went to a very tiny, very, very conservative evangelical college, but I often say that my professors did too good of job. I wouldn't say they were quite as open as what you were describing, but the they taught me critical thinking and an investigation into the Bible and good exegesis and good hermeneutics and And that laid the seeds that that later I think led me away from Christianity.

Chris Highland  10:05  
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I took up somehow I took a year of Greek in college, you know, mainly to study the, the Christian scriptures. But what we did was we read a lot of classical things. So I was reading Socrates in Greek, before it was reading some of the New Testament in Greek. So, I mean, yeah, that can't help but open the landscape. In a lot of ways, you know, the, the little stream that I grew up with, really became a floodplain with with lots of streams of thought. And when, when one of my pious professors said, well, here, why don't you read Nietzsche? And it's kind of like, Well, okay. That's dangerous. But I did it. And I really enjoyed the, the engagement with, with things that made my mind expand.

David Ames  11:04  
So I think you identify with the term free thinker more than some others. Whereabouts in time. Did you start to say, you know, I think I'm a free thinker now and not a Christian any longer?

Chris Highland  11:18  
That's a great question. I think that I think it was through Susan Jacoby's book, you know, the free thinkers book that she came out with. So we're going back, you know, 15 years or so. And just reading that history of secularism, particularly in American context, pretty much convinced me Hey, if I'm not in that tradition, I sure want to be and it gave me Yeah, gave me an identity are a way to identify that wasn't based on a negative. So I will say that I, I do. I just feel much more comfortable with with a positive like that. And then saying atheist, you know, I really have in my life that it's been all about trying to build bridges be constructive, creative, open lines of communication, where possible, and to refer to myself as a non theist or non believer all the time. I'm not one of those. I'm not one of those, like going through life and saying, I'm not a Republican, I'm not a Republican. Yeah, it's like, that's not a, you know, it's not an identity to live with. I mean, I like what you're doing, because it's, it's focusing on a really positive aspect, that really, in my estimation, I think you feel the way same way I do. It's very important to, to interpret and reinterpret what, what nonbelief is about. So it's not all non non non all the time.

David Ames  13:00  
Yeah, I absolutely felt it was important to have a positive statement. You know, so I personally liked the term humanism or humanist, yes, but I like to summarize it by just saying I believe in people. Yeah. You know, we were talking about wisdom earlier in that, you know, if from a more naturalists perspective, you know, religion is a natural phenomenon. It's a human cultural phenomenon. And so that, that wisdom is human wisdom, and we can borrow from it as much as we want.

Chris Highland  13:29  
That's right. That's right. And I I'm attracted to that, too. In fact, a couple of years ago, I became a humanist celebrant. And that was partly to, you know, my identity for so many years was a chaplain, clergy person who could work with people of many different backgrounds. And so I kind of people ask, Well, what do you feel like you missed when you let left? All of that left the church left faith? And part of it is that role of being a professional helper, I guess. And so becoming a humanist celebrant really opened up the opportunity for me to be, you know, to perform weddings legally, and be a part of that. So I was working with an organization over the past couple of years. That was a consortium of of humanist celebrants and performing lots of weddings. And I've just found out Oh, a lot of couples were was just grateful. It could be that someone could work with them wasn't going to impose beliefs and celebrate love with them. mean, I mean, what better thing can you do?

David Ames  14:49  
That's a pretty pretty good, pretty good deal. Yeah. For people who are in the clergy project, the personality type is someone who is wants to be a helper to be pastoral. And we don't need to be afraid of that term right to to be alongside someone as they go through their life events, the positive ones like getting married, or the birth of their children and the negative ones of losing losing a loved one. And so do you still feel that pastoral? Like, call if I could use the term?

Chris Highland  15:24  
Yeah, yes, I do. I guess, at times, I've called myself a secular chaplain. I've kind of just played with that for a while. I, you know, it's not all about titles, of course, and I, I don't need to be a clergy person any longer. But I'll tell you, even though the word chaplain has deep roots in Christianity, that became such a part of my life, that that I respect that term. And, you know, I respect the person, even, you know, a person who's an evangelical chaplain or any other kind, you know, I have my critiques. And I have my own experience, what I think was the most effective what worked the best for the most people kind of utilitarian approach to chaplaincy. But, you know, we, we were always focused my, with my team, working with the chaplain team working with Chaplain assistants, in various settings, whether it was a county jail system, or on the streets and shelters, other places. It was, you know, we had a guiding principle, and it was presence, it was presence ministry, and it was simply being with people. So that takes away a whole lot of extra stuff that people feel like they've got to, you know, you have to have your own agenda. And you've got to be able to convince people and all that kind of stuff and pass along something. And, as I say, you know, becoming a chaplain was really a way to to begin an education that you cannot get in a classroom. It just can't and, and the people that have something to teach are the ironically, I suppose, or sadly, they're the ones that we're not listening to, because we talk too much, or we have our own agenda.

David Ames  17:47  
So one of the things that I think, drew us to one another is that we have some criticisms of atheist culture, and particularly online atheist culture. I want to preface this conversation by saying that I think you know, you have plenty of Skeptic bone a few days. So we're not talking about not having a skeptical outlook. And the way I've said it is, you know, it, it's frustrating to me that immediately as people go through a process of, however you want to describe it, the loss of faith, questioning doubt. deconversion deconstruction, the first sources that they land on are going to be very debate oriented, a very aggressive, dismissive, you know, almost angry. And so you've, you've written a couple of these articles where you're saying, you know, does this actually benefit us having that stance towards other believers? Do you want to expand on that?

Chris Highland  18:49  
Yeah, well, it's Yeah, I guess I pick up on these a words like, Well, other than the, you know, aihole. There's also just aggression, aggravation, anger, you know, an anti anti is a big one. Yeah. You know, if your whole your whole outlook is to be anti religion, particularly, in this context, I find that number one, I find that sad. Number two, I think that a person needs to look in the mirror and deal with their own stuff. And unfortunately, some of us who want to hold up on me, none of us like to look in the mirror about some of this

David Ames  19:35  
stuff. Uncomfortable. Yeah.

Chris Highland  19:39  
And so I think that's where some of the pushback is come toward my writing. But, you know, I'm, I'm married to a minister, my my wife is still in ministry. She's very progressive and and she's a teacher and a counselor. And we've been together a long Time. So she's seen me through this whole process and supports me. And that's an unusual story. I understand. That's an unusual story. But But I think what I like to point out to people, and sometimes it's a, I do it in a pointed way, holding up that mirror and say, look in the mirror. It's when people attack religion in general, or religious people in general, oh, they're all deluded. Oh, they're all just, you know, in a fantasy world, they're all really basically stupid idiots. And whenever I pick up on that, I say, well, Where's that coming from? Obviously, they've had a bad experience. And that's what they've learned about religion, that's, that's their experience of religion? Well, you know, I was once in a, in a little splinter of, of Christianity of one religion in the world, I was distant, a little tiny branch. Right. And that, as I've already said, it took a period of time to learn that there was a whole lot more. So I like to encourage, let's just put it this way, I like to encourage people to look in the mirror that and see that, okay, I am angry, I may be very justified to be angry toward my little group, right? Or a big group of it's the Catholic Church, or, you know, some bigger the Southern Baptists or something, I understand I get it, you had a bad experience, okay. So you can get all angry, you want to add that tradition. But, but when you start pointing the finger to make blanket statements, then you're talking about Quakers. And you're talking about progressives of a lot of different religion, you're talking about, you know, Catholic nuns who are doing running soup kitchens, and all of that, you know, a lot of good things going on, out there, in the name of religion, I'm not saying, you know, I'm not going to be a defender of, of everything to do with religion. You know, and I, and I have my own critiques. And I expressed those in a pointed way too. But I, I've done enough self criticism and self critique and self analysis, to know that, you know, it's kind of like calling myself a free thinker. Once again, it's focusing on what can we do to heal ourselves? What can we do to bring people together to deal with what really matters? Does theology matters so much to people that they got to argue about it all the time? You know, and, I mean, one of my neighbors, and I'm kind of exaggerating, it's down the road a bit from us is Franklin Graham. Wow, Billy Graham's empire, you know, is down the road from us here, where we live in North Carolina. And, you know, I could spend my time attacking him and say, See, that's what those Christians are doing? Well, that's not that's, that's only a small part of Christianity. And it's, it's not a healthy part of Christianity. And I've written letters to the paper about him, and I've written blog posts on their, some of their deception when it comes to the Samaritans person and all that. But, you know, I'm not going to waste my time, just attacking one branch of Christianity, one small branch of religion, or religion in general. I mean, what's the purpose?

David Ames  23:47  
Yeah, man, several things that I want to respond to you there, I think, one of one of my observations of, of just friends of mine, so friends in the secular community, who, who's still very actively engaged with people online, and you know, in a in a fairly debate oriented style, so people that I care about friends of mine, that still do this, and I think it's part of the, you know, someone is wrong on the internet phenomenon. Right? It's just, you see something that you have a strong reaction to, and that actually should be your indication to slow down and think more. Before I throw anybody under the bus. This I do this too, right. I think that Twitter brings the worst out of me, I take a potshot at a apologist every once in a while, and I immediately think, why did I do that? You know, and there's trollish behavior by Christians and there's trollish behavior by atheists is one of the things that I like about your work and I'm gonna try to give a quote here. The more I interact with free thinking humanists and atheists that the more I see the great opportunities of for building connections, rather than breaking them down, and it's that change in focus right from correcting someone's mistaken belief, from your perspective, to seeing their full humanity and finding out which ways can we work together? One more. One more way of describing this is, you know, I think apologists often critique humanism to say, Well, you can't justify being good or doing good or goodness. And I think, why do you care? If we can do good together, and you have your justification, and I have my justification? Isn't that better for everyone?

Chris Highland  25:40  
Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it does have to come back. I mean, humanism is great, because it's, it's about humans. And I'm a real nature guy. And I know you are too and a lot of this, we are common ground literally is, is the natural world. And we have to find ways of connecting. More people with that. That's one reason why I'm, I'm wearing my Yellowstone shirt today, to remind myself that, you know, the, the national park system, as I see it, in this country, is is made up of secular sanctuaries. I mean, this is the the secular answer to, to the church to sanctuaries is, and that's how John Muir and some of my, you know, my heroes might call them secular saints, sometimes, you know, people who have something to say about the natural world and want to draw people out kind of evangelists for nature. So, so how to do that in a way that that's inviting to everyone. And I love to, I love to say that I think this is responding to your question, let me know if it's not, but I can remember a time when I was in Yellowstone National Park, and I was observing a scene with a probably 100 other people. And it was a scene in a valley and there was a grizzly eating an elk. And there were bald eagles waiting to get their part of the snack. And then there was a moose that came running out of the woods chased by a wolf. And we all got to see that in one scene right in front of us in the wild in the wild. And he's kind of just I would just want to freeze that scene and say, okay, is that is that a Baptist over there? You know, is that a Catholic? Is that an atheist watching this scene? And it didn't matter? It's that sense of, it's that sense of awe and wonder and wildness, that I think, is really the core of our humanity. And why not? Keep urging, nudging us all toward that, instead of suddenly wanting to divide everybody up? Which is what religion tends to do? Why should atheism do that? Right? Why should atheism do the same thing that religion does breaking into this group and that group and getting and arguing and all that kind of stuff? There's a place for that, I honor a certain amount of what I hear from some of the more famous atheists the face of atheism out there. But I am concerned as you read in, in my one of my latest articles, I am concerned about what is the face of, of atheism? Partly because I want to, I wonder what is the face of free thought? What is the face of secularism? And if you ask people out there, you know, what do you think of or what do you think of if they only come up with these debaters and the agitators and the militants, and all those folks that are so anti religious, I want to say wait a minute, there's a whole bunch of us who aren't like that, right.

David Ames  29:20  
One of the things I've observed is the nature of social media is such that provocative tweets or posts get a lot of attention. So if you say something about, hey, we ought to be kinder to one another and love one another. It's, you know, crickets. Nobody responds, but if you say this group is stupid, you know, retweets and likes and so I've been very cognizant of restraint of restraining my desire to, to score points. And again, sometimes sometimes I don't live up to that but that but I'm aware of that as as a phenomena and so much of what we see, both in books and YouTube and social media is that the scoring of points is raised above actually trying to connect with one another.

Chris Highland  30:15  
Exactly, exactly. I've never been really a debater, I know I can, I can certainly I have a voice and I speak up and I write most of it, have my have had my shares of share of arguments and with people, but you know, a lot of this, I think David comes back to semantics. You know, I think I think choosing our words a little more carefully. Instead of speaking of religion, as I said, and some great broad brushstroke to say some religion, some religious people, some Christians, or as I said earlier, if you come out of some tradition that's been, you know, you feel like you've been abused, it's been at least a particular church you came from or whatever was, caused some trauma in your life and cause you agitation in your own life, then, then I understand you deal with that. But, you know, I like to bring up the possibility that someone could say, well, some in that church, now, I could probably spend a lot of time we could talk for an hour or more just about the Presbyterian Church, because that's what I grew up with. That's what I've known the best. That's what I was ordained in. I know that church probably better than any others. And I have a lot of criticisms. And here's the thing. I have a lot of friends, close friends and family who are members of the Presbyterian church now. Right, right. And so if I'm just going to say, well, Presbyterian, you know, the Presbyterian churches like this, well, someone's going to point out right away, and say, Well, Chris, don't you remember that other Presbyterian Church and what they were like, and don't you remember when they came out with this social justice statement? And they have these programs that are doing good in the community? So Oh, yeah, you're right. I forgot your right. So I forgot that I need to add a qualifier that says some Presbyterians. Yeah. You know, and so you do the same with with Christianity itself. You say, Well, yeah, there's a segment of Christianity that I have a real problem with, and I'm pushing on all the time, which is Christian nationalism, and some of that a member of the Americans United. And I, you know, I really believe strongly, we need to push, push back on all of that. But then I know a whole lot of other Christians who are anti that too. I don't want Christian nationalism either, right.

David Ames  33:26  
So you mentioned that your wife is a minister, and my wife is very much a believer, and we are navigating that together. And, you know, as I've often tried to tell her is that I love her for who she is, which includes her beliefs, right, that makes her part of who it's part of who she is. And I think of my my in laws are some of the most generous, loving, caring giving people I've ever met in my life. And they are both theologically and politically conservative. Right. So I mean, we have some disagreements. But so to point out that there are very, very good people who are believers is just a statement of fact, and we don't need to feel like we need to tear them down in order to work with them.

Chris Highland  34:14  
Right. Yeah. And I have a chapter in one of my more recent books on difficult conversations, and it relates a conversation with one of my family members. And, you know, she and I have some some very divergent thoughts. So these things, and we have some, some heated discussions, but we don't yell and scream, and we end by saying love you talk to you soon. Right. You know, and, you know, what's the problem with that? I mean, that really bothers some, some of the atheist circles that, that just think, well, you've just got to argue and argue and argue, and until you convince them well, that what is the difference between between being an atheist evangelist, and being a Christian evangelist, if you're just there to like you said to win, you gotta win, there's gonna be a winner and a loser. And then you can walk away saying, Great, I, I convinced them well, what did you convince them up that you're unable? Good for you.

David Ames  35:25  
One more quote of yours. I think this is from your more recent article, let me see if I've got this prepped here. I don't see religion going away. So I think it's much more productive to find ways of working with those faith communities who are open to it, and those seculars who are open to it, and then rather than complaining about them to score points, the point I want to jump off on is I think in some ways, there is a unstated or implicit and sometimes overt implication that secularism will just overrun religion entirely. And I think I agree with you, you more, I think religion is a human phenomena. And so I think it's not going away anytime soon. And so, if secular, as secularists believed that their role is to eradicate religion, I think that's a fool's errand. Yes. So I'm curious, you know, in what ways do you see that, that we could be more interfaith as secular humanists or a secular person and interact with people of faith in a positive way?

Chris Highland  36:33  
Yeah. Well, that's the That's the million dollar question, I think is what are we what are we going to do? What are we going to do now and into the future, when, you know, there are a lot of forces that want to fracture, fracture us and divide us? And really, David, I think it comes back to relationships. And, you know, I guess I get, some people probably get tired of hearing me say it, but I, you know, if someone has critiques of religion, but they've never talked to a Buddhist, or a Quaker, or even somebody in their own tradition, that that maybe wasn't in a small town in the Midwest or something, I don't know. Right? It comes back to relationships. I, I published a book a couple of years ago called Broken bridges. And it was, you know, really a collection of my, my essays that I write the columns are right for the Asheville citizen times. And the focus of that book, it wasn't a lot of, there weren't a lot of essays in there. But the focus was, you know, let's look at what's broken. And then let's make some decisions. Some bridges should just crumble and fall, let them go right now. Other ones might, maybe there's a way to repair those, but we're not going to be able to do it. One group of one faction of our of our culture or society is not going to be able to do it by themselves. So we have to find a way cooperate, and then then becomes that that real, free thinking moment when we say, well, maybe maybe a bridge over there would work better. Maybe we need to try something different. And what if that difference is, well, can we put aside our theological problems, our belief divisions, those broken bridges? Can we put those aside to finish this project, this program, work with these people deal with this issue, this this critical problem in our community, where it doesn't matter what you believe, or don't believe, right? That's, that's what intrigues me. And I will say that, you know, for 25 years of my life in those chaplaincies, I was working shoulder to shoulder with people that theologically No, I'm not there. I'm not going there. Right. But we didn't have the time. We didn't have the time to argue those things, or sometimes to even discuss them. It was it was okay, there's, there's that person over there who's dying on the street, what are we going to do for them? And then everybody adds their solutions to the to that issue, which might come down to that one person. And that's what that's what gets me charged up. That's what energizes me is not always focusing on the Broken bridges, but where where we can either repair or build a new one.

David Ames  40:00  
Yeah, I, I love everything about what you what you said, let's get about the business of, of doing good in the world together collectively. And if we're just focusing on the parts that we disagree about, we aren't effectively doing good in the world. And if we can just accept one another as in the fullness of each other's human humanity, we can work together and have a positive effect on on the world.

Chris Highland  40:27  
Yes, and I just want to add real quick here that I can already hear the criticisms because people say, Well, yeah, but you can't, I'm not going to work with those people are I can't, those people aren't going to want to work with me, maybe, you know, maybe that's true, that that's those, that's the broken bridges that maybe just need to crumble. But it might also be that, that you or I might not be able to, to make a connection, and build a relationship with that particular person, or that particular group or organization. But somebody else who has some, some, you know, relationships or connections that are already there, have some other way has some other way to make that connection. Let them do it. Right them do it if you if you can't stand Baptists anymore, because you came out of a tradition, where you just kind of you just can't stand it anymore. I'm not gonna deal with those people. Good, don't do it. But but others who, who are okay with that, and are open to that, and, and maybe have the time and the energy and the patience to try to try to build those bridges, let them do it. Right.

David Ames  41:40  
I think sometimes we need to step back and be more explicit about what our goals are. And I think you've touched on briefly here already, but one of our goals ought to be more secularism, more pluralism, meaning in the non scary version of that, right. So we're not saying more people who are non believers, but rather, freedom of religion and freedom from religion, right, that's ability to truly allow people there to follow their conscience and, and still give all rights and privileges and citizenship to everyone. And one of the things I think that the problem is, is that we we approach it as a zero sum game, sometimes like we, like we have to win, atheism has to win in some way, instead of what I think our goal ought to be is acceptance of everyone. And then that is truly a marketplace of ideas so that the best solutions can fall out of that. Why do you think it is? Maybe like, just give you a an impossible question, why do you think it is that we as human beings, we want to put people in a box and add categorize them? And and say, this is the other and this isn't? That person's not on my team?

Chris Highland  42:58  
Well, yeah, yeah, you're right, I'm not going to answer that. It's, it's, um, it does seem to be I mean, I guess we're tribal. And, you know, we want to identify somehow and with with one particular group of people, that gives us some, some way to make sense of our lives and give our lives meaning. And it's always the other, we don't understand them. We call them them. We don't want to deal with that group. Those people. And you know, what, what really changed me or let's just say, helped me evolve a more inclusive viewpoint is working with those folks who are marginalized the outsiders and, you know, working in a county jail for 10 years. You know, I was conducting seven gatherings a week, for 10 years in county jails, women, men, people and maximum security people and minimum security. And I had to go through some real change and you know, those people who are those people who are in jail, and I found out that there are some great people who end up in jail and some very hurt people who end up in jail and some very guilty people are in jail and some very innocent people who are in jail so I mean, just all across the board like that. And then the same on the streets working with people in the we do we all we always call them something that they don't have we say their home less home last. And, you know, we just we got to know people as people, right? Maybe they don't have a house. They don't have a permanent dwelling, but they're people. So it's I guess I'm gonna say it again. It's that relationship thing. It's like, it's like, Do you know any of them? Right? Know when when a family member told me a few years ago, they started complaining about, about gay people and all the gay marriage and gay, this and all. And I ended up saying, Well, what are your What are your gay friends telling you? That's a classic question. Yes. You know, and in applies in all these different areas people complain about all those people on the street. Have you ever talked to one of them? You know, do you know any of the names of those folks? And it does change things. So, you know, one of the things I'll say, to address your question, I think, David, is that the mentality we come to the world with? In other words, our worldview makes such a huge difference. If we see it as a battlefield. Right, where we're all you know, it's let's go out there and fight. We're the defenders, we're the defenders of reason and critical thinking and truth and all these things, you know, then I don't there's not going to be any hope for for people to ever work things out or find just find ways of working together. And you mentioned about, you know, should we be working on pluralism? Well, part of it for me is kind of flipping the question around saying, Well, where is the pluralism? Where is the cooperation already going on? And how can we participate in that. And I've seen it the most in interfaith communities. And I don't really like the word interfaith either. But it's a huge step forward from ecumenical which is just Christians working together, to people of different faiths working together. And then when when my wife was the director of a large Interfaith Council in the Bay Area, people like me were part of that, and and Wiccans. And some of the some of the, the Muslim members had a hard time with the Wiccans. And some of the, you know, hardcore, people of one faith didn't necessarily like the fact that I was there. And I would call myself a secular person. So so how do we, how do we look at a person and see a person instead of slap a label on them and say, well, let's go to the battlefield?

David Ames  47:58  
So I've got a question about humanism. But I guess I first need to find out is, is humanism, something that you identify as, is that a thing you care about? Or is that not a term that you use?

Chris Highland  48:10  
Yeah, well, as I mentioned earlier, you know, I am a humanist celebrant. So I guess I have to have some affinity. Well, I'm just gonna say that it's just it's just to me, it's just based on people being human together, practicing ethics. And, you know, whether people call it a religion or not, it doesn't really matter to me, because you as you brought up earlier, you know, I don't see religion disappearing, I see morphing, evolving, as it always has done. And if we're just talking about institutions, well, institutions come and go and leadership changes and dogma and creeds and everything, change over time. But the kind of religion I think we're talking about is is more what I get from people from some of the naturalists and scientists. You know, I love what Carl Sagan says about us. He, he used the word spiritual in spirit, and he didn't. He didn't throw that out. He didn't throw that the spirit words out with the bit with the Christian bathwater. And he went back to itself that I learned way back in college in Greek and looking at original languages that these some of these words came from very earthy, naturalistic things. It's a breath, it's the breath is the wind. Like you can't get more natural than that.

David Ames  49:39  
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Chris Highland  49:40  
So that's human.

David Ames  49:42  
Carl Sagan man, I can't say enough good things about him in that, you know, he so eloquently expresses hard science, and awe and wonder, and that's a that's a beautiful combination that is relatively rare.

Chris Highland  50:01  
Oh yeah, I get to be with Neil deGrasse Tyson this evening and a Gathering Online gathering by the Center for Inquiry. Okay. Neil deGrasse Tyson will be speaking for an hour and live and so it'd be kind of, that'd be cool. Like, a mini Carl Sagan.

David Ames  50:22  
That's right, he is carrying on the torch with cosmos. Yeah. Sorry, that was a bit of a digression on humanism, I often ask people who are active humanists. Why do you think humanism is, is so rare? Or people or the identification with humanism is so rare? Or another way of asking that is, why is humanism fail so badly?

Chris Highland  50:48  
Alright, well, I was suspicious of it for quite a long time myself. Partially because I'm such a nature person. So when you talk about the focus is on human humans. Right? I thought, well, that's not enough, you know, I. And so I guess I defined myself one time as a natural humanist or something like that. I think once again, it comes back to how comfortable we are with certain labels. And then we I think we need to be able to define those labels in a way. That's why I keep coming back to will, how am I going to define better do a better job of defining free thought, and free thinking? So my wife and I have a couple of years ago, we went on the freethought trail up in up in New York, and went to Elizabeth Cady Stanton's home, and Robert Greene. Ingersoll is home. And you know, just kind of all over the map, literally, to see, well, where did these folks come from? What were they thinking? And why are they why were they free thinkers? How were they free thinkers, and what did they focus on? And it was always a humanistic endeavor. It was something to do with with freeing with literally freeing slaves, freeing women to be fully members of the, of our society, freeing our minds from, you know, any kind of restriction, whether it's political or religious, or whatever. So, you know, to me, it just it's a constant self reflection, again, to say, Well, what do I mean by this word? And so I don't, I don't always feel comfortable saying, Oh, yes, I'm a humanist. In fact, I'm gonna be teaching your class, I teach courses over here at the university, on free thought, and I always pick one of the one of these folks, you know, these voices like Ingersoll, and yeah, and others to Frederick Douglass and, and some of these last names like Francis right, and Lucretia Mott, and I love these people, because you dig back into those, those people and they end those lives and what they were talking about. And it they always have something for us today, to help us define and redefine what we mean by terms like humanism, right? And being humanistic. What does that mean? Does that exclude the natural world? Well, I certainly hope not. Because we're, we're a part of it. We are part of nature.

David Ames  53:33  
Yeah, I I recently talked to a fellow podcaster named Sam Davis. And I mentioned that I feel like I came to humanism, late, I think we're already talking about sentient ism, you know, or, you know, the, you know, to broaden this to all levels of consciousness as it were, and, you know, to respect that. And so I definitely am very much open to that. And I think we've been talking about the nature part of naturalism. And that, you know, it's just important to recognize that we are, quite literally in a scientific, hard, naturalistic sense, interconnected with the entire ecology and that what we do to the environment, what we do to animals affects us so in a selfish way, we need to be concerned with that. So I never use humanism in the sense of excluding nature. But I think the thing that is important to me is people over ideology, right like that. I feel like we we focus so much on ideologies and those can be political, economic, religious, what have you. But when an ideology begins to hurt people is when it needs to be criticized and broken down. In my concern is we don't do a very good job of caring for one another. I talk about the homeless, you know, something so simple. My wife works with At the school district in a way that tries to help families that they are struggling with housing and that simple thing, having a place for a kid to go home to has a profound impact on that child's education. And you can make arguments all day long whether or not the parents are abusing the system. But that kid deserves the best opportunities possible. It's just something so simple as providing housing makes a huge impact. Yes.

Chris Highland  55:40  
I do appreciate when they're more secular voices coming out, and kind of taking this word secular and turning it around and upside down, and shaking it and trying to say, Well, what what is this, you know, how to be humans, you know, living together on this planet, and not getting to, you know, adding my own thing to it, I would say just, we don't we shouldn't get too hung up in our philosophical, theological, political issues and, and identities and debates, in my opinion, because it just, it just takes away from I mean, that's what I was gonna say earlier, is it you know, it's fine to focus on humans, and the best part of humans in terms of humanism. But then, as you were just saying, it's, it can't be anthropocentric or anthropomorphic. And if we fall back into that, then we haven't made much progress.

David Ames  56:51  
Right? When I went through my deconversion process, which was about 2015, and I started to think after the fact, you know, I think I want to speak into this world, I want to feel like I have something to say, I was very cognizant of trying to remember what it was like, as a believer. And I think, in our email discussion I mentioned, you know, I'm positive that it's not about intelligence, because I'm the same person, I was as a believer as I am now. So that, that helps ground you know, remove some vitriol remove some hostility towards believers. And then secondly, and this is where I want to get to with you. Because my wife is a believer, and much of my family and and friend group, are believers, that also helps ground me to remember that I love these people. And I, I respect them. And I think they are bright, intelligent, giving wonderful people. And you can stop me if this is too personal. But I wonder if you would talk just a little bit about what that was, like, where you went through a change of mind? How have you and your wife navigated that?

Chris Highland  58:01  
Yeah. Well, as part of what I've been writing about recently, that kind of got some people agitated. You know, because I was really talking about education matters, education matters. And if somebody is bringing up a topic about something, and I just didn't study that, or that it wasn't covered in my education, I would just say, you know, I, I don't really know what you're talking about, or I'm ignorant in that area. Yeah. And I think we just need to be honest about that. So, you know, that is to preface the fact that my wife and I both went to very liberal seminaries that had a lot of interfaith connection, she went to Union Seminary in New York City, and I went to San Francisco seminary, so on opposite coasts, okay. But we both got steeped in liberation thought liberation theology, okay. And which made a huge amount of difference because it gets you kind of away from a Bible focus, to to an action focus to a social justice, focus. And both of us came out of that. So that was a parallel, right to begin with. So Carol is my wife and I like to tell the story, we both get very amused telling the story that my wife and I met carrying the cross and it was a good Friday service at a Presbyterian Church. She had heard of me, I'd heard of her. She was doing advocacy work with immigrants, and I was working on the streets as a chaplain. So we'd heard of each other. We're both Presbyterian ministers. We show up for this, this Good Friday service, and someone had created this Big I guess it was. I don't think it was Styrofoam, but I think it was some kind of pressboard cross or something. And about four or five of us carry that up the aisle into this Good Friday service. So we kind of, you know, that's how we we met. But it was, you know, that event, in a sense, meant something different to us than maybe even some of the other people who were carrying that cross. And people who came to that service focused on Well, this is Good Friday, it's all about Jesus. It's all about Christians. It's all about being in church, without looking around to see, well, who's not here, who's not attracted to this kind of thing. And how divisive is that cross? For so many people? Well, she and I understood that from the very beginning. So I think, you know, that gives you have kind of a long background, but it's really, it started with us doing liberation kinds of work, which meant being out with a people presents ministry, inclusive, working and a diverse environment with diverse agencies and nonprofits. And so she she started this interfaith group, I was already doing interfaith chaplaincy. So it was, it was a natural, in some ways for us. So I, you know, all along the way. It really was. It made us love each other, for what we were doing and, you know, what we will be might see in the future for us doing together, which was kind of starts with marriage. So we just decided that we get along pretty well together and think a lot of like, when it comes to these matters, and she has a lot of criticisms of the church, her own church, the denomination, religion in general. She is a member of Americans United as I am, she's she's gets really upset about Christian nationalism, and a lot of that real. Yeah, boy, I mean, there's so many ways to say, you know, what I mean, all the crap out there that comes from various religious groups. But once again, we both have a background, we both have, actually, friendships, with colleagues, and others from a, from a lot of different faiths. And so, and now she's gotten to know some of my connections in the, in the secular community as well. And so we, we've decided to make a life of it. And it works pretty well. We certainly have disagreements, but yeah, like everything else. We've been saying, you know, it's really a matter of, you know, do I want this relationship does she want this relationship? How do we make that work? I don't go to church with her. But I actually know the pastors of the church where she goes, and her mother goes there to the family church for years. And I liked those folks and a lot and get get this a lot of the people that go to that particular church read my columns every week, and they really liked them. So that tells you something right there. Yeah,

David Ames  1:03:38  
yeah, definitely. One last thought here. I think that people like ourselves who have had a, a relatively long lifetime of faith and then subsequently find we no longer can believe I think we have a lot to offer to church groups, right like that, that they can learn something especially if we aren't being trying to be critical or trying to just tear them down.

Chris Highland  1:04:04  
Yes, and that's that's the purpose of my my writing almost all of my writing, you know, my columns as well as the books in my in my blog posts and other things. I'm always writing about these things and I I often come back to what one reason I really enjoy John Muir so much living in California for years and I've been to his boyhood home in Scotland and you know, he's just a I would highly recommend him to people of faith to people without faith doesn't matter. And I one of his his most succinct statements is in his journals where he says, the best synonym for God is beauty. The best synonym for God is beauty. So if we just would all take that and live with it. What does that mean? Does that mean to deny that there isn't beauty, that there's a lot of ugliness, a lot of death and disease and terrible things going on in the world. It's not denying any of that. It's just saying, if you're going to talk about a creative force in the universe, or within ourselves, bring it back, bring it back to nature, natural beauty, and work with that somehow. So now, maybe that's better, better than free, thought free thinker, and humanist and all that stuff. You know, I'm a follower of beauty.

David Ames  1:05:37  
That's amazing. I could not have thought of a better way to end up here. Chris, this has been an amazing conversation, can you let people know how they can get in touch with you. And then a topic we didn't touch on, but just maybe a plug for the clergy project? If we happen to have listeners that are working in the church in one way or another? I'm having doubts.

Chris Highland  1:05:55  
Yeah. So yeah, both of those. Yeah, I can be, you can read my writing and connect with me through C highland.com, which I also call friendly, free thinker. So friendly, free thinkers, sea island.com. All my books are listed on there, all my writings, and the clergy project. That's the, you know, clergy project.org. And if anybody is an in any kind of pastoral work, or clergy person, who's kind of making the transition out, and you either out with that, or still have to kind of stay in the closet, clergy project is a great place to get support and connect and network with other people. So and that's, you know, you can you can be as, as hidden as you want to be on the clergy project now, a little over 1000 people, I think now members of it. Yeah, I've been there maybe, I think 10 years I've been a member.

David Ames  1:06:57  
Okay. Wow, that's fantastic. Yeah,

Chris Highland  1:06:59  
that's a good organization.

David Ames  1:07:01  
Chris, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Chris Highland  1:07:03  
Thank you appreciate it very much.

David Ames  1:07:18  
As you can hear, nature is very important to Chris his book, nature is enough. He is talking about searching for the ordinary wonders in our extraordinary natural world. This is a 15 second clip of the bird calls that I heard on a recent kayaking trip. The audio is terrible. But I was out there, I was listening. I was seeing nature and I was thinking about Chris, this is my gift to Chris.

Final thoughts on the episode. One of the very, very exciting things about doing this podcast is all of the frustration that I described about people who are going through a deconversion deconstruction process, finding the angry or louder, more argumentative, more debate oriented voices is becoming less true. Because I'm finding people like Chris Highland. I'm finding people like Troy more heart. I'm finding people like Bart Campolo and Leah Helbling. I'm finding people like Sasha Sagan, I am finding people like Reverend bones is harder to find us maybe. But we are out there. That is incredibly meaningful and exciting to me to find another voice out there who is doing secular grace. And even though that is not a term that Chris would have used prior to this conversation, that is what he's been doing. He was doing secular grace as an interfaith chaplain. And he is doing secular grace as a humanist celebrant. In his writing, what attracted me to his work is that he is expressing secular grace and several of those ideas are really important. One is obviously just about relationships, as he describes it is about our connection with other people. And that's what matters and winning points or arguments is not the point. We also I think, agree that if the end goal of the secular movement is more pluralism, and more acceptance and freedom of religion and freedom from religion. attacking people of faith is the wrong way to accomplish that goal. At one point, Chris says he is looking for a real Bible of goodness and graciousness, that is secular grace. I also appreciate Chris's relationship with his wife who is a minister. And the more voices we can have on that are people who are making an unequally yoked relationship work in a loving and kind, generous and humble way, the better we all are. So I think Chris and his wife are a great example of that. I want to thank Chris for being on the podcast for sharing all of his lived wisdom for sharing his secular grace. And I want to make sure that you are where you can find his website at sea highlands.com. Of course, I'll have links in the show notes. He has written a number of books, those are all available on his website. Many of his essays have been published in a few different media, including the rational doubt blog that Linda Scola runs Lindell Escola and Dan Dennett are a part of the clergy project that we discussed as well, I want to give a huge shout out to the clergy project. If you happen to be paid by the church in some way or another, and you are going through doubt clergy project is the place to reach out, they know what you're going through, they've been there. And as Chris mentioned, you can have the level of anonymity that you want. For the secular Grace Thought of the Week, I want to just emphasize Chris's focus on nature itself. He talked a lot about John mirror and beautiful places in California, like Yosemite, or the Grand Canyon in Arizona, places where you can go where you experience or at just the grandeur of nature itself. And one of the things that we mentioned is to be cognizant of our connection to nature, that evolution works in such a way that there is a web of interconnectedness amongst us and I mean, this in the most naturalistic, non woo way possible. We literally are connected to the ecology and we are connected to one another by interdependence, by relationships. And all of that is critically important, selfishly, for the human race to succeed, we need to take care of the environment, we need to take care of nature. I really appreciate Chris's focus on bringing out the wonder and beauty of nature itself. As always, we have some amazing episodes coming up next week is going to be Vanessa. And she describes her story as opposed to dramatic church syndrome. She's incredibly funny and humorous, and has beautiful laugh and a wonderful life story to tell. We're going to then take a break over the Fourth of July weekend. There'll be two weeks there one week without a podcast. And then when we come back, I'm going to have Thomas, who is actually a relative of a previous guest, Jimmy that we had on a number of months ago. So we get to hear a different side of that family story. And then after that, we'll also hear from Daniel, who is the co host of that when belief dies podcast, he was a part of the interview team that interviewed me for my recent episode, and he has been actively participating in that podcast, so look forward to that as well. Until then, my name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist. Join me and be graceful human beings.

Time for the footnotes. The beat is called waves for MCI beats, links will be in the shownotes. If you'd like to support the podcast, you can promote it on your social media. You can subscribe to it in your favorite podcast application, and you can rate and review it on pod chaser.com. You can also support the podcast by clicking on the affiliate links for books on Bristol atheists.com. If you have podcast production experience and you would like to participate, podcast, please get in touch. Have you gone through a faith transition? And do you need to tell your story? Reach out? If you are a creator, or work in the deconstruction deconversion or secular humanism spaces and like to be on the podcast? Just ask. If you'd like to financially support the podcast there's links in the show notes. To find me you can google graceful atheist. You can google deconversion you can google secular race. You can send me an email graceful atheist@gmail.com or you can check out the website graceful atheists.com My name is David and I am trying to be the graceful atheist join me and be graceful human beings

this has been the graceful atheist Podcast

Transcribed by https://otter.ai