For many of us, fundamentalist religion stole years of our lives, and so this month, we are going back in time and speaking to our younger selves. I turned, once again, to our private Facebook group for inspiration, and they responded beautifully.

If you’d like to write to your younger self, comment below or check out the Facebook group for this and other ongoing conversations.

• Being good isn’t about following a set of rules. It’s about sharing values with others and living accordingly.
• Words aren’t magic. You don’t need to be afraid of corrupting yourself with certain words, and action will beat prayer every time.
• You are not damaged goods; you are inherently whole and worthy.
• Religious authority only holds the power you choose to give it.
• Get the education, avoid the men until after you are completely independent.
• The things you accomplish in life are YOURS. Praise yourself, not God, for your talents and skills.
• Things do get better. You are not alone. You are not lost. You are not trapped. You are not unloved. Find comfort in knowing that someday, you’ll have the love you so desperately seek… and you will be loved fiercely simply because you are you, not because you are trying to be what someone else tells you to be. Don’t lose hope. Keep fighting for yourself.
• Please stop trying so hard to please everyone. It’s literally impossible. Not everyone is for you, just as you aren’t for everyone. Live your life to the fullest and do things that make you happy, even if others disagree. Give yourself the same grace you give to others. Be kind to yourself! Do the work in therapy, it won’t help until you do. Learn to regulate your emotions and triggers. Fear and anger wont get you far. Finding yourself will mean losing a lot of people you thought loved you, but it will be worth it. Stop taking shit from people bc you’re afraid of rejection. You’re capable of so much more than you realize. You aren’t too much. You aren’t too sensitive. You aren’t broken. You are loved and valued just as you are.
• Honestly. I would tell myself not to dig too deep. I would tell myself to not read the Bible but just “feel the holy spirit” so that I would never learn the inconsistencies. I had more hope, more passion, less sadness… before I started down the path of realization.
• Marriage and motherhood are not the only ways to be happy and are in fact quite stressful. Don’t be in a hurry to find a partner. Enjoy your time as a single person to explore what life has to offer. There are worse things in life than being lonely on a Saturday night.
• I don’t really know how to phrase it as something I’d tell my younger self but basically Christianity messed up my decision making ability. My dad used to tell me to ask god before making decisions but i felt like he never answered me so I was never sure what to do and it made me feel like I couldn’t trust myself to make decisions on my own. I guess I’d tell myself that my decisions are my own and even if I make a mistake I will be ok.
• Which leads to the second thing I’d tell my younger self. Hell isn’t real and even if it was a loving god wouldn’t send you there for a couple mistakes, only truly evil stuff. Basically it’s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.
• You are valuable because you are a human. Your worth comes from yourself, not from a God figure or the opinions of others or from their approval. You are strong, resilient, beautiful, and brave.
• You are deeply loved. You may not feel it now, but one day you will find your people and a wonderful partner.
• Rest. Breathe. Relax. Stop with all the striving and trying to earn love from others by being of service to them. Enjoy life and all it has to offer. Perfection is truly an enemy of joy- and you can’t be perfect anyway – so just do your best and leave the rest.
• Your values and opinions are yours and they are important and matter and should be shared. You are not inferior to a man in any way, and people-pleasing at the expense of your own desires/needs will only lead to exhaustion, resentment, or unhappiness.
• Your body is yours and it is beautiful. It does not need to be thinner or changed or punished by restrictive diets and over-exercising. You do not need to change your appearance for men. Men lusting over a woman is NOT YOUR FAULT. It’s theirs, and they can control themselves if they want to.
• You are a sexual being and you have sexual desires and needs that are okay to explore and express. Wear what you want. Eat what you want. Move your body the way you want. Find sexual pleasure in your body. It’s yours.
• Don’t be afraid to ask those questions and explore your interests and doubts in what others in authoritative positions tell you. Trust your intuition and gut feelings. Dig deeper and you WILL find what you are looking for. Keep going. Life gets so, so much better for you, dear one. 
• Do NOT walk into that Southern Baptist church in 1988!
• I see you. I know you feel like everything about you is wrong, and your job is to make sure nobody else realizes that. That feeling, that not-good-enough feeling is called shame. You haven’t been taught much about your emotions and it sure seems like no one wants you to share them. (It won’t always be that way, as an adult you’ll find this awesome bad-ass group of friends that will love and support you fiercely) Shame is tricky. It wants to stay hidden and keep us isolated in our own dark, cold, little shame caves. Some people learn how to use shame as a weapon to make you do what they want. You’ll recognize these people. You’ve got great instincts; you should trust those instincts more often. It’s also important that you know that not everyone is like that. You will love and be loved by so many amazing people in your lifetime!
• Keep reading books, reading will be something you love all your life. Don’t just read, WRITE! It helps. Just dump all those feelings you don’t know what to do with on a blank piece of paper and watch as things slowly start to make sense. Know that you are not alone. You’re feelings are valid and so are your questions. Lastly, I know how hard you are on yourself when you look in a mirror, but from here kiddo, you are so beautiful!!
• You are capable. You are strong. You are worthy of developing and protecting your sense of self. Do not go back to familiar childhood beliefs to feel safe and stable.
• The truth fears no scrutiny. Examine what you believe without assuming it has to be true.
• If it feels bad and isn’t helping anyone, you don’t have to call it good. If it feels good and isn’t hurting anyone, you don’t have to call it bad. Whether or not something is a “sin” has nothing to do with whether it’s good or bad.
• Don’t ignore your feelings or think you don’t need them. They’re not always right, but there’s nothing wrong with having them. You don’t need to be suspicious of pleasure.
• You are a sexual being, and that’s a good thing. Sex, sexuality and nudity aren’t evil, shameful or disgusting, and you don’t need to be afraid of them. Most people will have sex during their lives and nearly all of them will enjoy it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your body is good. If someone sees you naked, they haven’t done anything to you, and you aren’t doing anything to them if you see them in such a state.
• Things made for adults are made for adults. You can be part of mature audiences without feeling ashamed. You can participate in adult activities, because 18+ literally means 18+, not that nobody should ever try it. When you’re an adult, the only permission you need is your own. Make decisions because you want to make them, not because of what others think.