Stoicism

How Stoicism Helps

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This week I’ll discuss a few ideas from Stoicism and how they helped me during my deconstruction and eventual deconversion.

Before I do, I’d like to follow up on something I wrote earlier. In “Intro: Stoicism for Deconstructors,” I wrote:

It’s not my goal to “convert” you or convince you but to inform you. Stoicism is not one-size-fits-all, and I can’t know you like you know you. But having some conscious philosophy of life is essential.

I want to backpedal a bit: I’m not prepared to say that coming to some concrete philosophy of life is essential. It may be that for a long while, we need to spend our energy recovering from a lifetime of unreasonable expectations while being the best people we can be without overthinking it.

I will say that having a conscious philosophy of life can make answering some questions much easier, add richness and depth to your life, and help you on your way to tranquility.

Now on to Stoicism.

What is Philosophy?

At some point, I realized I needed to leave church, but I didn’t know where to begin. It seemed so overwhelming. Thankfully, I had already started reading the Stoics, and they have opinions on where to begin.

The Stoics and other ancients believed that philosophy was the “art of living.” People who lived deliberately and reflected on their lives were philosophers. Very different from the current perspective that treats philosophy as a purely academic discipline.

The art of living requires knowledge, so they encouraged learning theory, but it didn’t matter until you put it into practice.

Why does this matter?

Many of us grew up in a context where we were told the rules and expected to follow them. Losing that set of rules can be bewildering, to say the least. Learning to think differently about the art of living can help us make sense of an uncertain and constantly changing world.

Excellence of Character

When I was in the throes of deconstruction, especially after I realized I would have to leave the church, I can’t say I was thinking much about meaning. I was in survival mode. However, after I finally resigned my church membership, I realized I had to learn how to build community for myself and make my own meaning. For me, the Stoics provided a great starting place.

The Stoics believed that excellence of character, being the best human you can be, was the goal of life. They thought you would achieve eudaimonia, or flourishing, if you pursued this goal.

In Intro: Stoicism for Deconstructors, I wrote:

Humans are rational and social, so to be the best human we can, we must pursue excellence of character first by getting better at thinking clearly, and by practicing living well, especially in the context of the people and world around us.

This means to live a fulfilling life, we need to develop our character in the service of those around us and, ultimately, humanity.

It also means ethical action is centered around our character, not some rules handed to us thousands of years ago and interpreted by other people. Ethics, not mere obedience.

Why does this matter?

Since Stoicism is a kind of Humanism, it gives us a place in this world and provides us a tribe. At a fundamental level, there is no Us and Them. We’re all in this together. Stoicism gives us a practical way of working through that reality and helps us adopt all of humanity as our own.

All this gives us something significant to live for: the betterment of the human race. It’s actionable and direct. As we work on our character, we can see the benefits immediately as we benefit the people around us. In the words of the band Gojira, “When you change yourself, you change the world.”

Making the growth of my character a primary goal has been very fulfilling, not to mention clarifying.

Sorting Emotions

In my circles of Christianity, emotions weren’t talked about much except to warn about how untrustworthy they were. Making sense of these emotions was not a thing that was taught very much other than to direct people to prayer.

The Stoics distinguished between some key concepts:

  • Impressions. These are mental representations of the world around you. Things like “That cake would be good to eat.” or “That person is angry at you.” You can’t control these impressions.
  • Response to the impressions. These are either “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.” You can control this response.
  • Emotions. These result from that response and push you to some action. Sometimes this action is only to get upset. You can control these emotions.

Like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Stoics believed that your emotions are often the result of underlying beliefs.

Also, having a concept like “impressions,” which aren’t up to you, gives you a place to put intrusive thoughts, knee-jerk reactions, and other emotional-related things that aren’t under your power.

Why does this matter?

This one has been so powerful for me. I no longer feel guilty for intrusive thoughts (like unwanted sexual thoughts or imagining pushing someone over a cliff). These days I just roll my eyes and move on. No longer do I feel completely helpless to address my emotional difficulties. I can rely on the practices of Stoicism and problem-solving from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to address the underlying issues leading to the emotions that I am having trouble with.

Planning for Setbacks

I think people generally don’t do a lot of planning for setbacks, so when they happen, they are often caught flatfooted. I don’t think Christianity is unique regarding this lack of preparation.

Because the Stoics realized it was difficult to address emotional issues in the moment, they took as much action as they could to prepare for future challenges. One way they did this was through the premeditatio malorum, or premeditation of ills.

The idea was to imagine vividly some negative thing happening, then imagine yourself handling it successfully. By the time the event came around, you’d have taken some of the sting away and bought yourself some space to manage it more wisely.

(This can be abused. If a company CEO is planning unjust layoffs and uses this technique to reduce the sting of feeling bad about hurting a bunch of fellow humans, that CEO is not being virtuous, even though they might be imitating something the Stoics did. They are not practicing Stoicism.)

Why does this matter?

This premeditation is an example of the pragmatism that I like about Stoicism. Christianity tends to spiritualize everything and, therefore, often doesn’t have consistent or reliable ways of addressing real-life issues.

Conclusion

There’s so much more, but my main goal here has been to introduce you to some of the ways Stoics think about life. Hopefully, this has been helpful to you!

We are nearly done with Stoicism for now, but I would like to spend a couple of posts talking about some practical, specific Stoic ideas.

Stoicism: History and Writings

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Following up from last week, let’s get into Stoicism. My goal is to apply it to deconstruction, especially from Christianity (which is what I know), but a general introduction may help.

Whirlwind History of Stoicism

Following is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek history of Stoicism.

Once upon a time, in the West, Socrates asked questions. The wrong kind, apparently, because the Powers That Be had him executed for them. The right kind, also apparently, because he got lots of other people to begin asking questions. One of those same pepple started the school of Cynicism, which said, Virtue is the only thing you need to live well. A while later, a Cynic student concluded Virtue may be the only thing you need, but having a house isn’t bad. His name was Zeno, from Citium (not this Zeno), and he started teaching to the public on a porch (“stoa” in Greek).

Time passed, and Stoicism came to Rome, where it was hip for rich kids to study Stoicism. Some of those rich kids turned out alright and, along with a formerly enslaved person, wrote valuable things for us..

Then Christianity came along, becoming the dominant life philosophy. In the 20th century, people began picking up virtue ethics as a way of living ethical lives—outside of religion—and Stoicism picked up steam again. Psychotherapists—inspired by Stoic psychology—developed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and other cognitive therapies.

Key Writings

It’s probably better to read about Stoicism before reading the primary sources. See last week’s post for resources to get you started. Stoic technical language uses words we use in everyday speech; this can be confusing until you have a basic grasp of the terminology. That said, they’re pretty easy to read.

Seneca the Younger

Lucius Annaeus Seneca was a tutor, then advisor to the emperor Nero. He wrote letters and essays on anger, fortune/fate, grief, inner peace, friendship, and more. His writings are relatively easy to read, especially with footnotes (Which “Gaius” is he referring to this time??). Fun fact: Seneca died after Nero condemned him to death by suicide.

For a solid introduction to his letters, see Letters from a Stoic.

…hold every hour in your grasp. Lay hold of to-day’s task, and you will not need to depend so much upon to-morrow’s. While we are postponing, life speeds by.

Letters of Seneca 1.2

Epictetus

Epictetus was born into slavery in what is now western Turkey. Somehow he studied philosophy while enslaved and later gained his freedom. He became head of the Stoic school in Rome until all the philosophers were banished.

We don’t have any of his writings. However, Arrian, who studied under him, took (apparently?) excellent notes, and then translated them into lectures in the voice of Epictetus. These included the Discourses (4 of 8 books survive) and the Handbook (A.K.A. Enchiridion).

For a solid introduction to the writings of Epictetus, see Discourses and Selected Writings. You can also find a modernized version of the Handbook in A Field Guide to a Happy Life and The Art of Living.

People are troubled not by things but by their judgments about things. Death, for example, isn’t frightening, or else Socrates would have thought so. No, what frightens people is their judgment about death, that it’s something to fear. So whenever we are obstructed or troubled or distressed, let’s blame no one but ourselves—that is, our judgments.

Enchiridion of Epictetus, 5

Marcus Aurelius

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus was an emperor of Rome. He wasn’t a teacher of Stoicism but a practitioner, and part of his practice involved writing out philosophical ideas to force himself to think better. These have been published since then in the Meditations.

He has a way with words, as do his translators. My favorite translation is the one by Gregory Hays, but there are other good ones, as well.

The fraction of infinity, of that vast abyss of time, allotted to each of us. Absorbed in an instant into eternity.

The fraction of all substance, and all spirit.

The fraction of the whole earth you crawl about on.

Keep all that in mind, and don’t treat anything as important except doing what your nature demands, and accepting what Nature sends you.

Meditations 12.32

In my next post, we’ll get into some of the most important ideas of Stoicism, especially from a deconstruction perspective.

Intro: Stoicism for Deconstructors

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Several years ago, I realized I probably no longer believed. Nothing looked different on the outside, but internally, the bottom had dropped out of my world. Eventually, I settled into a steady state of teetering between trying to regain my faith and faking it to get by. My morning devotional times devolved to reading Ecclesiastes on repeat—the only book I could tolerate. At some point, I realized I really wasn’t going back and that, for my own sanity, I had to exit.

Around that time, someone close to me suggested reading the Stoics in the morning, which I did. I found a philosophy designed to be a way of life, a way of making sense of the world, providing community, and doing better. Most of all, I found a philosophy that helped me solve the immediate problems in my life.

When I’d been a Christian, there were several “besetting sins” in my life that I had made no headway on for years. When I started studying Stoicism, half of them disappeared (though that probably had more to do with chilling out instead of perseverating, which is the Christian way). For the other half, I started making serious progress. Coming out of a “pray and wait” mindset was a relief.

When I started trying to figure out how to exit my church context (not high-demand, but relatively intense nonetheless), having philosophy around helped me consider how to balance competing concerns (the need to get out and the need to be good to my family), how to be kind in my speech, how to prepare myself to reduce harm to my mental health, how to keep becoming a better person, etc. Stoicism was super helpful during one of my life’s most challenging times.

Intro to the Series

Last week I wrote about graceful life philosophies, “secular religions,” that help people make sense of a world without conservative religion. I’m planning to explore a few of them here on the blog, in hopes that they’ll be helpful to you.

It’s not my goal to “convert” you or convince you but to inform you. Stoicism is not one-size-fits-all, and I can’t know you like you know you. But having some conscious philosophy of life is essential.

What Is Stoicism?

First, Stoicism (the philosophy) is not stoicism (“indifference to pleasure or pain”). Like Epicureanism, Cynicism, and Materialism, everyday use has taken on a negative, or at least inaccurate, meaning.

Stoicism is a life philosophy aimed at becoming the best human you can be. Humans are rational and social, so to be the best human we can, we must pursue excellence of character first by getting better at thinking clearly, and by practicing living well, especially in the context of the people and world around us. Achieving this excellence of character involves learning three things: How the world works, how to think, and how to act. It also involves active training: How to want the right things, how to choose appropriate actions, and how to feel the best emotions.

This summary is “wrong” because it’s oversimplifying and missing a lot, but I think it’s a helpful start. I’ve purposefully omitted many things that people associate with Stoicism because while they might be recommended practices, they must be practiced in the context of excellence of character and cosmopolitanism. Without the core, they’re just life-hacks.

Why I Appreciate Stoicism as a Deconstructor

Most of all, it’s practical. It’s about being a better person and doing the work to get there without the level of idealism that Christianity has.

It’s also rich. Most of the original texts are long gone. Still, we have a large body of work available to read from across a couple hundred years, not to mention all the work that has followed in modern times. Getting into the Stoics has been an enriching adventure into the world of ancient philosophy. For those of us in the West, it’s had a massive influence on our history… people like Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, and even the apostle Paul were influenced by Stoicism.

For those that need/want it, it does have a spiritual dimension. The word logos from John 1:1 is a Greek philosophical idea and is used all over the place in Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. It refers to that pervading sense of order and unity in the universe. This idea doesn’t have to be accurate to be helpful, and I appreciate it.

Stoicism helps you come to terms with your own inevitable death and the death of others, which in turn helps free you from many fears.

Last but not least, it’s open to revision. There are core principles that make an idea Stoic, but at the same time, there’s nothing sacred about Stoicism itself. Many philosophers today are working through how to bring Stoic ideas to modern people in light of things we’ve learned in science and a worldview that tries to avoid magical thinking.

Next Posts

I’ll write at least a couple more posts on Stoicism. If you want to hear more, let me know in the comments. Also, let me know if you have specific questions, and I’ll try to answer them.

After that, I’ll be taking on Epicureanism.

Resources

  • My summary of Stoicism is heavily inspired by the work of Tanner Campbell and Kai Whiting (through Practical Stoicism) and Massimo Pigliucci (through his many books and articles). I recommend them heartily.
  • For books, I can recommend a couple as introductions:

Get You a Graceful Life Philosophy

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Without religion, how do you find meaning? How do you live well? How do you find out how to live well? What is life about, anyway?

Secular Religion

Throughout her book Doubt: A History, Jennifer Michael Hecht weaves the idea of a “graceful-life philosophy.” These life philosophies are formed after a region becomes more cosmopolitan—many cultures living next to each other. Since you can’t escape being confronted with challenges to your own beliefs, this confrontation of views leads to doubting whatever your accepted religion is. But losing your religion, eating, drinking, and being merry aren’t satisfying for most people. The graceful life philosophies provide that meaning. In fact, Hecht calls them “secular religions” since they serve many of the functions of religions.

This week I’d like to talk about these “graceful life philosophies.” In future posts, I’ll talk about how to go about adopting such a philosophy. If you’re anything like me, you might get overwhelmed by the quantity of choices. I recommend starting with curiosity. “Oh, that’s interesting,” instead of, “I need to get started now!!”

The following “secular religions” provide answers, or at least guidelines for:

  • Making sense of how the world works.
  • What life is about; what’s the big picture.
  • What we should spend our time doing.
  • What it means to live life well.
  • How to handle life’s challenges.
  • How to prepare for death.

Examples

Some philosophies of life are more fully-formed and can replace religion for most things. Not only how do you pursue a good life, but also how to live with others, how to eat, dress, etc. They may provide community and events. Examples include:

  • Stoicism: fulfillment and happiness come from living according to our nature as humans. This happens when we live as the best humans we can: thinking and acting rationally and living for the good of ourselves and others.
  • Non-theistic Buddhism: you should pursue the Eightfold Path toward a better life for you and those around you.
  • Epicureanism: pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain are natural and normal, so go with the grain and do that well. You can achieve ataraxia (mental and emotional tranquility) if you do.
  • Secular/atheistic versions of established religions, like Christianity, Islam, or Judaism

Some philosophies may be less fully formed but might form the solid core of a life philosophy you build yourself over time. The fact is, we all cobble together our own philosophies of life as we gain experience. These might provide fewer answers to mundane questions about how to eat, dress, etc., but they’re helpful places to begin. Examples of these partial philosophies include:

  • Secular Humanism: We’re human, so let’s work to develop and help humanity and the world around us.
  • The teachings of Ecclesiastes: There is no absolute meaning, no life after death, but life is still good, and one’s own work is good. (Doubt, a History, p78)
  • Existentialism: Ut is up to each individual to create her own meaning and values in life by engaging in the world, by pushing back against oppressions that threaten to limit our possibilities and by getting out there and doing things—not just contemplating what you might do. (How to Be Authentic, Skye Cleary, xii)
  • Absurdism: There is no intrinsic meaning, but we crave meaning anyway. We must face this absurdity by constantly keeping it in front of us and acting against it, living life to the fullest. (The Myth of Sysiphus, Albert Camus, throughout)
  • Pragmatism: What works is more important than what accurately reflects a complex, incomprehensible reality (How to Live a Good Life, p245 and following)
  • Effective Altruism: We should dedicate at least some of our resources to making the world a better place and ensure these resources get put to the best uses they can. (How to Live a Good Life, p256)
  • The Satanic Temple: “The mission of The Satanic Temple is to encourage benevolence and empathy, reject tyrannical authority, advocate practical common sense, oppose injustice, and undertake noble pursuits.” (The Satanic Temple website)

Even the teachings of Jesus could be included here if you ignore 2000 years of religious cruft. In his book Jesus for the Non-Religious (which I haven’t read), John Shelby Spong describes Jesus as breaking tribal and religious boundaries and prejudices.

Starting to Get Started

As you’re coming out of religion, wondering what to do, it may be worth learning about various philosophies of life. Here are a couple caveats to bear in mind:

  • You are not behind! You’re not starting from scratch.
  • There’s no race to some finish line. This is about your life, so you can take the necessary time.
  • None of the philosophies are perfect. They all have limitations.
  • They are not one-size-fits-all. You will build your own philosophy of life anyway, and it may be cobbled together from multiple. My philosophy is a strong dose of Stoicism, plus a good helping of Christianity, Epicureanism, Buddhism, and Skepticism.
  • Learn to distinguish life-hack from a life philosophy. We’ll get more into this over time.

Resources